![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saoneTitle: Fashion Can Be a Real Bitch
Author: Saone
Summary: Billy and Teddy meet their scariest adversary yet.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
j_crew_guy's prompt. Thanks for the quickie beta! *smooshes you with girl!germs*
Timeline: AU after #12. Civil War? What Civil War?
*****
On the first day of Spring Break, most normal sixteen-year-olds could be found at the beach, or the mall, or just lazing around the living room playing video games. But Teddy Altman and Billy Kaplan were about as far from normal as a hybrid of two warring alien races, and a mystically constructed son of a psychotic mutant could get.
The boys, along with the rest of their teammates, were interning at Avengers Tower. Unfortunately, except for a brief altercation between Cap and some Hydra agents earlier that morning, things were quiet on the crime fighting front.
Quiet was boring, and the best way Teddy and Billy knew to combat boredom was with a heaping dose of comic books. And the occasional make-out session.
Teddy was just getting engrossed in his copy of Teen Titans when the comic was suddenly torn out of his hands, and an eager mage plopped into his lap.
Teddy smiled bemusedly. "Yes?"
"Nightwing." Billy grinned wolfishly. "Hey, you know what Dick Grayson does to me." He leaned in for kiss.
Hands roamed over shoulders and threaded through hair, tongues touched and tasted, teasing in a deliciously familiar way. Billy's hips began to subtly rock against Teddy's.
The blond teen pulled away with a gasp. "We can't. Not in the tower."
"Come on," Billy purred, "Spidey and MJ are lovey dovey all over the place."
"Yes," A new voice said from behind them. "But, Master Peter always makes sure he webs the door shut first."
"Jarvis!" Teddy squeaked and practically threw a mortified Billy back into his own chair. "We were just-"
"Quite." Jarvis' gaze was fixed on the ceiling. "Mr. Stark has sent me to fetch you. There's a young... lady here who wishes to speak to an Avenger.
Billy cleared his throat. "But we're not really-"
"Mr. Stark reviewed her arrival on the security tapes, and wants the two of you to handle it. I believe he thinks it would be beneficial to gain experience in dealing with everyday citizens."
The two teens shared a hesitant look, but since Jarvis had already turned on his heel and left the room, they figured arguing was a moot point.
"Well," Teddy shrugged. "Let's go meet our public."
*****
"It's about freakin' time!"
Billy and Teddy stopped short at the sight of the enraged, and--judging from the way she was stuffing complementary mints in her face--very hungry woman.
Teddy squared his shoulders. "Hello. We're-"
"I don't give a crap! I said I wanted to see an Avenger. An Ah-vennnnnn-ger. Like Iron Man, or the little hairy guy. No, wait, not the little hairy guy. He's little. And hairy. Ew."
Teddy blinked. "Right. Well, uh, the Avengers are really busy, you know, avenging, and-"
"Avenging, my ass!" She shrieked. "Out ruining the lives of innocent people is more like it."
Billy held up his hands in what he hoped was a placating manner. "Ma'am, if you-"
The woman narrowed her eyes. "Ma'am? Do I look old enough to be a ma'am?!"
Billy paled, and took an involuntary step backward. Girls could be scary. "No? I mean, no! Sorry. Miss. Could you just tell us what's wrong?" He pleaded.
"What's wrong?" She snorted. "You're kidding, right? LOOK AT ME!"
The two boys looked at her, then looked at each other.
The woman sneered at the boy's obvious lack of sense. "My shoes." She stuck one foot out for inspection.
Billy and Teddy peered at the shoe. "Uh. They're nice?" Teddy ventured.
"They're ruined!" The woman wailed. "My new fawn python Ferragamo slingbacks... gone. Just..." She put a hand to her mouth and let out a torturous sob.
"You came here... because of... your shoes?" Teddy asked.
"I came here because my shoes were fine this morning. They were better than fine. They were perfect! Ferragamo slingbacks! And then, not more than a block outside my building, your fearless leader showed up with that overblown shield of his, by the way, overcompensating much? Then he knocked over a hydrant which ended up completely soaking my new-"
"Ferragamo slingbacks," Teddy said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, we get it. Do you get that Captain America was fighting Hydra agents, and was trying to save innocent lives, including yours?"
"There's no need to get pissy." The woman sniffed. "Now, since you know why I'm here, if you could go back into your little clubhouse and find a grownup for me to talk to, that would be great."
Billy glanced over his shoulder. "I'm not sure what you want-"
"I want compensation." She snapped
"You want the Avengers to pay for your shoes?" Billy raised an eyebrow.
"And mental anguish."
"Mental-"
"I work at Mode." The 'you dumbass' part was silent, but heavily implied. "Only the most influential fashion magazine in the country. Do you have any idea what it would do to my standing if I went into the office looking like this?!"
Both boys knew better than to try and attempt any answer to that.
Teddy cleared his throat. "I guess, we could make a report... or something."
"Right!" Billy said. "And give that to Iron Man."
"Exactly." Teddy said. "So, Fawn Python, is that like a special kind of snake?"
The woman sneered. "Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do. A report? Pu-leeze. By the way, Fawn is the name of the color, you moron." She looked at Teddy with open disgust. "And, you call yourself a gay man!"
"Personally attacking us isn't going to get this resolved any faster." Billy said sternly.
"I'm in pain, dammit! Oh, how could you possibly understand. You're wearing a, what is that, a shawl?!" The woman snorted. "Did your grandma make it for you?"
Billy clutched at the material around his throat.
Teddy scowled. "Hey!"
"Pipe down, Mr. I-Think-Pea-Soup-Makes-For-An-Awesome-Complexion. You're a shape-shifter, right? You're telling me you couldn't have gone with a look a little less reminiscent of baby poo?"
Teddy reared back. "I don't-"
"Like stomach-processed lima beans!"
"Oh yeah! Well, you..." Teddy looked her up and down. "You're wearing ruined shoes." He cocked his head. "Didn't those use to be Ferragamos?"
"Bastard!" Hissed the woman.
"Uh, Teddy." Billy looked worriedly at his boyfriend, who was looking far too pleased with himself. "Screw this." Billy started to murmur under his breath. His eyes whited out and bright blue sparks began to dance around him.
"Trust me, Dorothy, you really don't want to rumble with me."
Teddy put his hands on his hips. "Bring it."
"Fine. Let's start with the hair-"
Teddy blinked as the ranting blonde disappeared in a flash of light. He turned to face his boyfriend. Billy was glaring at him. Teddy blushed under his green skin. "Sorry?"
Billy rolled his eyes, snorted, and affectionately rubbed Teddy's arm. "Yeah, you are."
Both boys were silent for a moment. "Wow," Teddy said finally. "What a bitch."
"No kidding." Billy said. "Speaking of, how do you think we should 'thank' Iron Man for this so-called educational opportunity?"
"Find him, put on our most serious faces, and ask if the reason he wanted us to talk to the woman from the fashion magazine about her ruined outfit was because we're gay." Teddy said. "Then we'll spend the next few minutes watching his left eye twitch as he tries to
come up with a suave way of making sure we know he's not homophobic."
"Awesome. I wonder if we could get Cassie to shrink down and film it all." Billy paused for a moment. "Hey, Teddy?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think you look like baby poo."
"I totally dig your cloak."
The boys leaned in for a quick kiss, and then went off to make Tony Stark pay.
*****
Betty peered out towards the front desk again. It's not like she was worried about Amanda. She was just... ever so slightly concerned. Kind of.
Marc, however, was about five seconds away from freaking out. "She still isn't here yet?! Oh, God. What if something terrible happened?! Maybe we should start calling places." He flapped his hands.
"Like, hospitals?" Betty asked.
"I was thinking more like bakeries."
But, before either assistant could reach for a phone, the reception desk was filled with a bright blue light.
"-your outfit? Come on-" Amanda stopped mid-tirade when she realized where she was.
"Amanda!" Betty squeaked.
Amanda turned in a slow circle. "I don't believe it. That little fairy teleported me out of the building!" She looked down at her feet. "And he fixed my shoes. Awww."
Betty glanced around wildly. "There were fairies?"
"Just two. The Young Avenger ones." Amanda whipped out a compact to make sure interdimensional travel didn't do a number on her hairdo. "They're okay guys. Terrible fashion sense."
Marc gasped. "You met Wiccan and Hulking! Do you have autographs? Locks of hair?! Scraps of clothing?!"
"Please, do I look like a fanboy?"
"Bitch." Marc pouted.
Amanda grinned. "You know it."
*****
The End
Author: Saone
Summary: Billy and Teddy meet their scariest adversary yet.
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Written for
j_crew_guy's prompt. Thanks for the quickie beta! *smooshes you with girl!germs* Timeline: AU after #12. Civil War? What Civil War?
*****
On the first day of Spring Break, most normal sixteen-year-olds could be found at the beach, or the mall, or just lazing around the living room playing video games. But Teddy Altman and Billy Kaplan were about as far from normal as a hybrid of two warring alien races, and a mystically constructed son of a psychotic mutant could get.
The boys, along with the rest of their teammates, were interning at Avengers Tower. Unfortunately, except for a brief altercation between Cap and some Hydra agents earlier that morning, things were quiet on the crime fighting front.
Quiet was boring, and the best way Teddy and Billy knew to combat boredom was with a heaping dose of comic books. And the occasional make-out session.
Teddy was just getting engrossed in his copy of Teen Titans when the comic was suddenly torn out of his hands, and an eager mage plopped into his lap.
Teddy smiled bemusedly. "Yes?"
"Nightwing." Billy grinned wolfishly. "Hey, you know what Dick Grayson does to me." He leaned in for kiss.
Hands roamed over shoulders and threaded through hair, tongues touched and tasted, teasing in a deliciously familiar way. Billy's hips began to subtly rock against Teddy's.
The blond teen pulled away with a gasp. "We can't. Not in the tower."
"Come on," Billy purred, "Spidey and MJ are lovey dovey all over the place."
"Yes," A new voice said from behind them. "But, Master Peter always makes sure he webs the door shut first."
"Jarvis!" Teddy squeaked and practically threw a mortified Billy back into his own chair. "We were just-"
"Quite." Jarvis' gaze was fixed on the ceiling. "Mr. Stark has sent me to fetch you. There's a young... lady here who wishes to speak to an Avenger.
Billy cleared his throat. "But we're not really-"
"Mr. Stark reviewed her arrival on the security tapes, and wants the two of you to handle it. I believe he thinks it would be beneficial to gain experience in dealing with everyday citizens."
The two teens shared a hesitant look, but since Jarvis had already turned on his heel and left the room, they figured arguing was a moot point.
"Well," Teddy shrugged. "Let's go meet our public."
*****
"It's about freakin' time!"
Billy and Teddy stopped short at the sight of the enraged, and--judging from the way she was stuffing complementary mints in her face--very hungry woman.
Teddy squared his shoulders. "Hello. We're-"
"I don't give a crap! I said I wanted to see an Avenger. An Ah-vennnnnn-ger. Like Iron Man, or the little hairy guy. No, wait, not the little hairy guy. He's little. And hairy. Ew."
Teddy blinked. "Right. Well, uh, the Avengers are really busy, you know, avenging, and-"
"Avenging, my ass!" She shrieked. "Out ruining the lives of innocent people is more like it."
Billy held up his hands in what he hoped was a placating manner. "Ma'am, if you-"
The woman narrowed her eyes. "Ma'am? Do I look old enough to be a ma'am?!"
Billy paled, and took an involuntary step backward. Girls could be scary. "No? I mean, no! Sorry. Miss. Could you just tell us what's wrong?" He pleaded.
"What's wrong?" She snorted. "You're kidding, right? LOOK AT ME!"
The two boys looked at her, then looked at each other.
The woman sneered at the boy's obvious lack of sense. "My shoes." She stuck one foot out for inspection.
Billy and Teddy peered at the shoe. "Uh. They're nice?" Teddy ventured.
"They're ruined!" The woman wailed. "My new fawn python Ferragamo slingbacks... gone. Just..." She put a hand to her mouth and let out a torturous sob.
"You came here... because of... your shoes?" Teddy asked.
"I came here because my shoes were fine this morning. They were better than fine. They were perfect! Ferragamo slingbacks! And then, not more than a block outside my building, your fearless leader showed up with that overblown shield of his, by the way, overcompensating much? Then he knocked over a hydrant which ended up completely soaking my new-"
"Ferragamo slingbacks," Teddy said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah, we get it. Do you get that Captain America was fighting Hydra agents, and was trying to save innocent lives, including yours?"
"There's no need to get pissy." The woman sniffed. "Now, since you know why I'm here, if you could go back into your little clubhouse and find a grownup for me to talk to, that would be great."
Billy glanced over his shoulder. "I'm not sure what you want-"
"I want compensation." She snapped
"You want the Avengers to pay for your shoes?" Billy raised an eyebrow.
"And mental anguish."
"Mental-"
"I work at Mode." The 'you dumbass' part was silent, but heavily implied. "Only the most influential fashion magazine in the country. Do you have any idea what it would do to my standing if I went into the office looking like this?!"
Both boys knew better than to try and attempt any answer to that.
Teddy cleared his throat. "I guess, we could make a report... or something."
"Right!" Billy said. "And give that to Iron Man."
"Exactly." Teddy said. "So, Fawn Python, is that like a special kind of snake?"
The woman sneered. "Don't think I don't know what you're trying to do. A report? Pu-leeze. By the way, Fawn is the name of the color, you moron." She looked at Teddy with open disgust. "And, you call yourself a gay man!"
"Personally attacking us isn't going to get this resolved any faster." Billy said sternly.
"I'm in pain, dammit! Oh, how could you possibly understand. You're wearing a, what is that, a shawl?!" The woman snorted. "Did your grandma make it for you?"
Billy clutched at the material around his throat.
Teddy scowled. "Hey!"
"Pipe down, Mr. I-Think-Pea-Soup-Makes-For-An-Awesome-Complexion. You're a shape-shifter, right? You're telling me you couldn't have gone with a look a little less reminiscent of baby poo?"
Teddy reared back. "I don't-"
"Like stomach-processed lima beans!"
"Oh yeah! Well, you..." Teddy looked her up and down. "You're wearing ruined shoes." He cocked his head. "Didn't those use to be Ferragamos?"
"Bastard!" Hissed the woman.
"Uh, Teddy." Billy looked worriedly at his boyfriend, who was looking far too pleased with himself. "Screw this." Billy started to murmur under his breath. His eyes whited out and bright blue sparks began to dance around him.
"Trust me, Dorothy, you really don't want to rumble with me."
Teddy put his hands on his hips. "Bring it."
"Fine. Let's start with the hair-"
Teddy blinked as the ranting blonde disappeared in a flash of light. He turned to face his boyfriend. Billy was glaring at him. Teddy blushed under his green skin. "Sorry?"
Billy rolled his eyes, snorted, and affectionately rubbed Teddy's arm. "Yeah, you are."
Both boys were silent for a moment. "Wow," Teddy said finally. "What a bitch."
"No kidding." Billy said. "Speaking of, how do you think we should 'thank' Iron Man for this so-called educational opportunity?"
"Find him, put on our most serious faces, and ask if the reason he wanted us to talk to the woman from the fashion magazine about her ruined outfit was because we're gay." Teddy said. "Then we'll spend the next few minutes watching his left eye twitch as he tries to
come up with a suave way of making sure we know he's not homophobic."
"Awesome. I wonder if we could get Cassie to shrink down and film it all." Billy paused for a moment. "Hey, Teddy?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think you look like baby poo."
"I totally dig your cloak."
The boys leaned in for a quick kiss, and then went off to make Tony Stark pay.
*****
Betty peered out towards the front desk again. It's not like she was worried about Amanda. She was just... ever so slightly concerned. Kind of.
Marc, however, was about five seconds away from freaking out. "She still isn't here yet?! Oh, God. What if something terrible happened?! Maybe we should start calling places." He flapped his hands.
"Like, hospitals?" Betty asked.
"I was thinking more like bakeries."
But, before either assistant could reach for a phone, the reception desk was filled with a bright blue light.
"-your outfit? Come on-" Amanda stopped mid-tirade when she realized where she was.
"Amanda!" Betty squeaked.
Amanda turned in a slow circle. "I don't believe it. That little fairy teleported me out of the building!" She looked down at her feet. "And he fixed my shoes. Awww."
Betty glanced around wildly. "There were fairies?"
"Just two. The Young Avenger ones." Amanda whipped out a compact to make sure interdimensional travel didn't do a number on her hairdo. "They're okay guys. Terrible fashion sense."
Marc gasped. "You met Wiccan and Hulking! Do you have autographs? Locks of hair?! Scraps of clothing?!"
"Please, do I look like a fanboy?"
"Bitch." Marc pouted.
Amanda grinned. "You know it."
*****
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-02-27 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 02:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-27 04:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:00 pm (UTC)Thank you. *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-02-27 08:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:03 pm (UTC)Among other things. ;D
Oh, oh... getting bunnies of Marc leaving Willi and getting hired by Kate to be the YA version of Jarvis. BAD BRAIN. NO COOKIE.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-27 10:10 pm (UTC)....BurntCopper made me think of Teddy and Billy getting a makeover....oh god. *laughs-*
no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:08 pm (UTC)thanks! *g*
BurntCopper made me think of Teddy and Billy getting a makeover....oh god. *laughs-*
It could be a new section in Mode. Various designers would tackle one unfortunate hero/team per month. But Billy and Teddy can wait, Wonder Man needs help NOW.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 10:26 pm (UTC)*grins* But really, that would rock.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-27 11:11 pm (UTC)Bravo! And now I'm imagining a similar discussion between Wilhelmina and Kate...
no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:10 pm (UTC)thanks *G*
And now I'm imagining a similar discussion between Wilhelmina and Kate...
Hee! I don't know if New York could survive the levels of bitchiness that could be generated by that meeting. ;D
no subject
Date: 2007-02-27 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 03:14 pm (UTC)Yup. Amanda, Betty, and Marc are from Ugly Betty.
And the whole diatribe planned for Cap is awesome. :)
thanks *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-03-01 11:37 am (UTC)So, i'm friending you because you're made of awesome and are one of my favorite fandom authors of all time.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-02 04:13 pm (UTC)That takes the win for bestest comment ever. *g*
your Graham from BTVS is the Graham will always believe to be Joss Whedon's true vision
Thank you. Really, that's one of the coolest things you can say to a fanfic author, and just, thank you.
So, i'm friending you because you're made of awesome and are one of my favorite fandom authors of all time.
Hee! You may have just made my month. Too cool.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-05 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-03 01:47 pm (UTC)1 - making me laugh when I first read your fic
2 - making me discover Ugly Betty (I thought at first that it was some crossover with The Devil Wears Prada, as I had neither read the book nor watch the movie yet)
3 - proving that crossovers can actually work!
4 - being so awesome!
5 - thinking about writing more about this (I worship your idea of Jarvis!Marc)
no subject
Date: 2007-07-30 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-02 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-31 04:26 am (UTC)i loved when the butler caught them in the beginning, haha!
no subject
Date: 2008-05-15 03:57 am (UTC)*G*
no subject
Date: 2010-03-21 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-29 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-17 02:46 am (UTC)I pictured it first.
Then I died.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-19 01:33 am (UTC)I laugh pretty damn hard.
That was FANTASTIC! Like 2 minutes noodle fantastic.