Fic! Dork Reign: A Tale of Geek Love (J2 AU) 1/1

[saone]

Title: Dork Reign: A Tale of Geek Love
Summary: The tale of a comic geek, his matchmaker friends, and the tall, hot guy who can't stand the sight of him.
Pairing: J2 AU
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4500+
Disclaimer: Oh, if they were only mine.
Warnings: Not betad. Grammarians proceed with caution.
A/N: Written for spn_j2_xmas. When I got my assignment I headed over to matalinolukaret's journal *waves* to try and get a feel for what she'd like. One word in particular stood out on her profile page, and from that two bunnies were hatched. For several months the dueling fics duked it out until finally one emerged victorious mere hours before the original deadline. This is that fic. To matalinolukaret, I hope you like it. Excelsior!




_______________

“Batman or Wolverine?”

Jensen looks up from the latest issue of Runaways and blinks a few times as reality swims into focus around him. “Huh?”

A.J. and Travis, two of his more enthusiastic regulars are staring up at him with twin looks of geeky fervor on their faces.

“Batman or Wolverine,” A.J. says, “who’s your choice?”

“Oh, Lord.” Aldis, Jensen’s friend and lone employee stops straightening up the marquettes and statutes and turns his attention to the three men by the cash register. “Do not ask him that.”

“What? Why?” Travis asks.

“Yeah, it’s a perfectly valid question,” A.J. says. “Besides, we need someone to mediate. I, personally, think Batman is far superior, while Dingus here,” A.J. points an accusing finger in Travis’ direction, “is all hot for the hairy little Canadian.”

“You’re not gonna like the answer, man. Trust me,” Aldis says with a smirk.

Jensen ignores his friend, and studies the two geeks before him. As owner of The Multi-Verse, San Antonio's best (if he does say so himself) comic shop, Jensen is often asked his opinion on various geek-related things, from the latest goings on in the D.C. and Marvel universes, to the lingering bad blood over certain writers and artists, to who he thinks should play Steve Rogers in the Captain America movie. But the type of discussions he truly adores are these--the versus ones. His answer is always the same, and more often than not, talking people around to his point of view is the most fun he has in a day.

"Batman versus Wolverine, huh?" Jensen says. “Well, before I make an informed decision, I’m going to need more specifics.” He leans forward onto the counter.

Travis frowns. “What’s more specific than asking you to chose between two characters?" he asks.

“Specifying which versions of the characters,” Jensen says. “Which Batman versus which Wolverine? I assume you want to stick with the comic universes, but even ruling out the animated and live action versions there are countless variations of Batman. There’s the Bruce Wayne Batman, the Azrael Batman, the Jason Todd Batman, the Hush Batman, the aged-up Tim Drake from the 'Sins of Youth' storyline Batman, or the Dick Grayson Batman. Oh, and if it's the Dick Grayson Batman, then is it the Prodigal Dick Grayson Batman, or the Bruce Wayne RIP Dick Grayson Batman? And then, you've got your Wolverines-"

“Fine!" A.J. holds up a hand, cutting Jensen off. He shares a wary look with Travis. "New Earth, post Infinite Crisis, pre-RIP Bruce Wayne Batman, and current 616 universe Wolverine.”

Jensen opens his mouth-

"With adamantium!" Travis adds quickly.

“Okay." Jensen frowns and pretends to think for a moment.

"Here we go," Aldis says with undisguised glee.

Jensen stands up straight, and clasps his hands behind his back. "In a battle between New Earth Batman, and 616 Wolverine, I'm gonna have to go with..." his mouth forms into a wicked grin, "Deadpool."

“What?” A.J. gapes.

"Jensen," Travis shakes his head and tries to smile, "while I appreciate Wade Wilson's numerous skills, and tenuous hold on his sanity, that was not one of your options."

Jensen crosses his arms over his chest. "Deadpool is always an option."

"How can he always be an option?" A.J.'s voice goes up several octaves.

"How can his latest sidekick be his own zombified talking skull from another dimension?" Jensen asks. "He's fuckin' Deadpool, man. And he would totally gank Wolverine and Batman, while holding his zombified skull in one hand and carrying on three conversations with himself."

Aldis comes up behind Jensen and wraps a companionable arm around his neck. “I told you," he says, addressing A.J. and Travis. "Didn’t I tell you?”

"No," A.J. says, "this is unacceptable." He points at Jensen. "You, sir, prepare to be challenged."

Jensen smiles, raises his right hand in a classic 'bring it on' gesture, and settles in for a nice, geektastic ride.

_______________

Forty five minutes later Jensen's still riding high as A.J. and Travis finally stumble out of the store. He had held firm, and had had a counter-attack for their every argument. In the end, A.J. and Travis had admitted defeat and agreed that, yes, given the right conditions, Deadpool could probably defeat both Batman and Wolverine. The battle had ended with both A.J. and Travis asking for Deadpool's new series to be added to their pull boxes. Once again, Jensen was victorious.

He's writing a sticky note to remind himself of the changes--complete with little stick figures of A.J. and Travis, labeled 'losers', and Jensen, labeled 'awesome'--when Aldis, who had left after they began debating who had the better healing factor, sidles up to the counter. "Does it ever worry you that you have the ability to freak out hardcore geeks?"

"Of course," Jensen says, "but with great power, yadda, yadda, yadda."

"Riiight." Aldis looks around the store, and Jensen follows his gaze.

It's a Thursday afternoon, and there are only a few customers wandering around, mostly regulars, who for some reason or another, couldn't get in on New Book Wednesday. Beth is by the new releases, idly flipping through Psylocke #1. Malik is sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the graphic novel display, a steadily growing pile of Green Lantern trades beside him. Colin is off by the far wall where the Image comics are, probably thinking he's cool because he's sneaking peeks at the age restricted stuff.

When he turns his attention back to his friend, Jensen finds Aldis waiting for him, a single eyebrow raised, and an expectant expression on his face.

"What?" Jensen asks.

"What, what?" Aldis says. "You're the one who's itching to talk to me about something. Or, bitch to me."

Jensen smiles ruefully at his perceptive friend. "Danneel invited me to another party," he says.

"Oh, say it ain’t so," Aldis says in a flat tone, "your super hot next door neighbor has once again invited you to hang with other super hot people. What did you do in a past life to attract such horrors in this one?"

Jensen frowns. He kind of knew that was going to be Aldis' reaction, but still, a little sympathy wouldn't be asking too much. "Mock all you want," Jensen says, "but those things are like living nightmares, man. And, yeah, okay, everybody there's hot, but they're also vapid, and shallow, and couldn't tell the difference between Namor and Aquaman if you paid them."

"So, in other words, they're normal?"

"Exactly!" Jensen sighs. "If I wanted to hang around normal people I wouldn't run a comic shop."

"Good point," Aldis says. "So, Danneel's still obsessed with getting you laid, huh?"

Jensen shudders. He likes Danneel, really. She's hot, and bitchy, and a little unhinged, but... "I don't like my sex life being anyone's mission."

"Then maybe you should work on it yourself." Aldis raises his hands in a supplicating gesture. "Just saying, man. You know you're... look, I'm just gonna say it. I mean, I'm secure enough with my sexuality, so I'm gonna be completely honest." Aldis takes a deep breath and looks like he's steeling himself for something. "You're kind of stupidly gorgeous."

The only reason Jensen's not dropping the conversation and running for the hills, or his office, is because Aldis looks as uncomfortable as he feels.

"You do know that, right?" Aldis asks. "I mean if I didn't dearly love boobs I would've tried to hit your ass ages ago."

Okay, that was enough. "Please, stop," Jensen says, his cheeks flaming.

"But, you know what I mean? I just-"

"Yes, Aldis, I know exactly what you mean," Jensen says. "I think everyone knows what you mean."

They look up to find Beth and Malik smirking at them, and Colin's face as red as Captain Marvel's cape.

Jensen points at the two adults. "Unless you want your hand lettered crack supply to dry up, you'd best keep your smartassed remarks to yourselves. And, you," he turned to the mortified teenager, "go back to reading about the nice zombies, Colin," he says.

Aldis clears his throat. "Anyway," he says, "maybe you should think about putting yourself out there a bit. I'm willing to bet most guys you ask out wouldn't turn you away."

"I'm with Aldis," Malik pipes up, "If I were gay, and you came up to me all interested like. There's no way in hell I'd turn you down."

"Uh," Jensen rubs at the back of his neck. "Thanks."

"Sure he's hot," Beth says, eying Jensen critically, "but his social awkwardness is a major detraction for normals." She shrugs. "Sorry."

"No apologies necessary," Jensen says, "I figured that out for myself in high school."

"Then find a gay geek," Aldis says. "You can't be the only one out there. Hey, what about Mike? He's a cool guy."

Mike was a cool guy. He was witty, and smart. He had every season of Justice League, and JLU on DVD (he could do a killer Flash impression), and one of the best Superman collections Jensen had ever seen. But Mike also had one fatal flaw that made him unacceptable boyfriend material.

"He's in love with his best friend," Jensen says softly. "I'm not gonna try and compete with that."

"Oh," Aldis says. "That sucks. But, still, you should try to get out more. Unless..." Aldis trails off, and pins Jensen with a speculative look. "Your reluctance to date wouldn't have anything to do with being hung up on certain customer? Maybe someone tall, dark, and handsome with a love for chibis?"

"Don't go there," Jensen warns. "And it's his goddaughter who likes chibis."

"Ha! I knew it," Aldis says. "You're interested in him."

Jensen groans pitifully. "Aldis..."

"What, you're gonna deny you practically eyefuck the guy every time he comes into the store?"

"Are you gonna deny the one and only time I tried talking to him he ran out like his ass was on fire?"

Jensen felt his cheeks heat up from the memory. There was no doubt the guy in question was absolutely delicious. He was tall and broad shouldered with flippy brown hair, and these changeable hazel eyes. Jensen had been smitten the second he had walked into the store. He had kept his distance that first time, though, and waited for him to come back. He hadn't wanted to get his hopes up if the guy was just there for a one time only thing. It had taken a month, but the guy did come back, and Jensen made sure he was at the register when he came up to pay. Jensen had introduced himself, hoping that the guy would respond in kind, before making an innocuous comment about the issue of Tiny Titans he had placed on the counter.

The guy had made brief eye contact, then paled, and in one long breathe he explained how he was buying the comic for his goddaughter, and that he had followed in his mother's footsteps and was an English teacher, and he had never been allowed comics as a child, and he really had to go because he had to be back at school by six to sell football tickets, so, bye. He had then slammed a five dollar bill on the counter, grabbed the comic, and all but ran from the building without even waiting for his change.

Jensen had spent a good minute or two simply staring at the empty space the guy had just vacated, before coming back to himself. He had put the five in the register, and put the guy's change in an envelope for him just on the off chance he decided to return. Then Jensen had tried his damnedest to forget about him. Not that that worked when the guy had a staring role in his nighttime fantasies.

To Jensen's surprise the guy came back a month later, and the month after that, and the month after that. Each time he came into the store, his gaze sought out Jensen, then he ducked his head and avoided eye contact. Jensen had stayed out of his way, letting Aldis deal with ringing him up, but he couldn't help it if he tried to surreptitiously watch the guy. The guy was very watchable.

"I don't know," Aldis says, "Jared seems okay with me. Maybe he's just shy?"

"His name's Jared?" Jensen can't help but be a little pleased. Five months in and he finally has a name. Then he processes the rest of Aldis' statement, and he snorts. "How shy can he be if he's a teacher?"

"Maybe he's just shy around you, then," Aldis says. He gets a sly little smile on his face. "I can ask him about you, if you want."

"No!" Jensen grabs Aldis' arm. "Don't you dare. I mean it."

"Okay, okay." Aldis shrugs off Jensen's hand. "No need to get violent."

"I promise not to get violent if you promise to not embrace your inner thirteen-year-old girl. I don't want you writing 'Do you like like Jensen, circle yes or no' on his receipt."

Beth joins them at the counter, a thick stack of comics in her hands, the new Black Widow on top. "You have to admit," she says, "that would be efficient."

Jensen starts ringing her up. "No, it would be inefficient because then I'd have to find a new employee." He glares at Aldis who manages to look disturbingly innocent.

"Whatever, man," he says. "I'm just trying to help you out before you-know-who tries to get her claws in."

Beth's eyebrows raise. "Voldemort?"

"Close," Aldis says.

Jensen decides that maybe he should start going out more. He obviously needs a better class of friends.

"Holy shit!" Aldis stares, wide-eyed, at the store's glass entryway. "Speaking of the Devil Wears Prada."

Jensen and Beth follow his gaze. Jensen feels a knot of dread form in his stomach, and Beth hisses and clutches her bag of comics to her chest protectively.

The bell above the door jingles as Danneel steps into the store.

"Did hell just freeze over?" Aldis murmurs to Jensen.

Jensen shrugs. He wipes suddenly sweaty palms off on his jeans and hurries over to greet the redhead. “Danneel?” Jensen somehow manages to sound welcoming and dismayed all at once.

“Hey, Jensen," Danneel says. She nods at Aldis, looks warily at Malik, then moves over to the wall to give Beth a wide berth as the other woman leaves the store. Unfortunately, this puts her close to the comics, and as her eyes start scanning the covers Jensen prepares himself for the eventual disappointed looks and thinly veiled insults to his store, merchandise, career choice, and life in general. He just hopes she doesn't use the term 'mouthbreather' again. Like being an adult comic fan is why he occasionally has sinus problems.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“What," Danneel frowns, half her attention on Jensen, and half on the comics at her eye level, "I can’t visit one of my favorite people in his little, quaint..." She peers closer at a back issue of Ms. Marvel, and her face twists in disgust. "Oh. My. God. Have the people that draw these things ever seen a real woman? Boobs don’t work that way!” She illustrates her statement by grabbing her own breasts and squeezing.

There's a choked off noise to their left and both Jensen and Danneel look over to see Colin clutching a copy of The Walking Dead to his chest and staring at Danneel with wide eyes.

"You okay, man?" Jensen asks.

Colin gulps, puts the comic back on the shelf, tugs at the hem of his t-shirt, and all but runs out of the store.

Danneel cocks her head to the side. "What happened to him?"

"My guess," Jensen says, "puberty. And, for your information, Ms. Marvel’s a human/Kree hybrid, so there’s really no telling how her boobs might work. She can fly, maybe her breasts are just defying gravity on their own.”

Danneel arches a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Defying gravity and trying to go off in different directions?”

“Human/Kree hybrid.”

“You do know," Danneel says with a resigned sigh, "if you weren’t ridiculously hot you’d be a thirty three year old virgin, right?”

“Thrity two and a half,” Jensen says. “But, seriously, what do you want, how much will it cost me, and will it be in blood, sweat, or tears?”

“What makes you think I want something?” Innocence looks just as wrong on Danneel as it did on Aldis.

“The last time you were here you pitched a fit during a major event for my store, and vowed to never return," he says.

“Okay, first of all, I don’t pitch fits, bitch," Danneel says, putting her hands on her hips. "Second, I never vowed anything, and third, one of your creepy mouthbreather friends wanted me to model bondage fetish outfits for his creepy, mouthbreather drawings.”

There's that word. Jensen rubs at the bridge of his nose. He feels pressure building behind his eyelids. “Alex Ross wanted to make you his new inspiration for Batgirl.”

“Exactly! Creeper.”

"Danny..."

"Look," Danneel's tone turns soft, and cajoling, "I wanted to make sure you weren't going to hide out in your little geek cave, and you were still planning on coming to my get-together tomorrow night. I also wanted you to know that if you bug out on me, I'm not afraid to come in here and pull you out kicking and screaming."

"Of course I'm coming," Jensen says. Giving in was easier than moving to a new place.

"Good," Danneel says, "there are a few guys I want you to meet."

"A few?" Jensen cringes as visions of hours of uncomfortable small talk dance in his head. "How many is 'a few'?"

Danneel's eyes drift toward the ceiling as she takes a mental inventory. "Four," she says finally.

"Four?!"

"Yes, just the four."

"I don't know, Danny."

"I'm stacking the odds, Jens, the least you could do is be appreciative," Danneel says, a hint of aggravation entering her voice.

"Appreciative that you want to pimp me out?"

"Appreciative that I don't want one of my best friends to be alone anymore."

Oh. Jensen can’t help feeling a little sheepish. He tends to forget that Danneel’s intentions are basically good. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I-”

“Don’t apologize,” Danneel says. “The last thing I want is for you to get all emo. I just want you to consider the possibility that you might find someone you like. Just admit it’s possible.”

Jensen smiles ruefully. “It’s possible.”

“Thank you!” Danneel reaches out and brushes at Jensen’s hair. "I know you're this closet romantic, and you're probably waiting for some mythical, perfect guy," she says, "but, someone you could really like might be standing right in front of you."

The bell above the door jingles again, and Jensen looks over as Jared enters the store. Jensen feels his usual pang of 'want', and for a moment, as Jared's eyes catch his, Jensen wonders if this time might be different. But then Jared ducks his head and hurries towards the new release section, and Jensen forces himself back to reality.

Danneel's still going on. "I'm not saying you should settle," she says, "but when your expectations are in the stratosphere, maybe you should..."

"Lower them?" Jensen says.

Danneel gives him a soft smile. "Yeah."

Jensen takes a deep breath, and absolutely does not look over at Jared. "Okay," he says.

"Really?" Danneel sounds way too gleeful.

"Yeah," Jensen says. "I'll try and be less... me." He lets out a soft puff of air as Danneel wraps him in a surprisingly strong hug.

“Awesome!” She turns to leave, her eyes bright, and Jensen turns to drink his monthly fill of Jared.

"Oh, and Jensen," Danneel's voice rings out loud and clear through the store. "I will get you laid. There has to be someone in this town you'll find acceptable to sleep with, and I will find him."

Jensen risks a glance over to Jared. He's biting his lip, and studiously ignoring the spectacle around him, his eyes focused on the new issue of Tiny Titans in his hands.

"Fine," Jensen says woodenly, "I'll see you tomorrow night."

Danneel nods happily and leaves the store.

"Hey, Jensen," Malik is staring at the door Danneel just exited through, "she-"

"Would chew you up and spit you out," Jensen says with no preamble.

"Yeah," Malik says dreamily.

Jensen and Aldis share a disturbed look. "I'm just gonna..." Jensen crooks his thumb towards the Employees Only door, and the inner sanctum of his office.

"Yeah, man," Aldis says easily. "I'll take care of everything out here."

Jensen nods and retreats. He needs to mope for a bit. And make a dent in his secret gummy stash. He should feel better after that. Hopefully.

_______________


Friday brings more regulars, and Jensen's glad because when he's discussing Gail Simone's latest Secret Six issue with Alona, or laughing over poor Bullseye in the Deadpool: Dark Reign trade with Jeff, or drooling over Katie's new Master Chief hoodie, he's not stressing about the upcoming party.

As the hours pass, and the light outside fades to an early dark even speculating with Aldis and Adrianne over the upcoming Iron Man sequel isn't enough to fully distract him.

An hour before he's due to leave the bell jingles, and Jensen looks up anticipating Mike, or Misha. He's surprised, to say the least, to see Jared's large frame taking up the doorway. He got his Tiny Titans issue yesterday, there's no reason for him to be back until next month.

Jared meets Jensen's gaze, but instead of looking away, he marches right up to him, a determined expression on his face.

"Hi!" Jared says, a bit breathlessly.

Jensen looks behind himself. When he sees that, no, there's no one else there, he turns back to Jared. "Um, hi?"

"So, I'm kind of a spaz," Jared says. "Not all the time, and not around everyone. In fact there have only been two people who have made me go all wonky. Sandy, who I dated for five years, after she chased me down, and you." Jared takes that moment to give Jensen a big, bright grin complete with dimples.

Jensen never really cared for dimples. Until now.

"Me?" Jensen says. His mind processes what Jared said, and a tiny bit of hope flares in his chest. "I make you... wonky?"

Jared's grin disappears, and he looks shy, and sheepish. He nods.

Jensen licks his lips. The hope grows brighter with the way Jared's eyes focus on Jensen's mouth. "You like me."

"I do," Jared says. "I've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you again. But since I failed so epically at conversation the first time we spoke I've been putting it off." He shifts nervously. "Besides, you always seemed busy."

"I thought I freaked you out," Jensen says, "so when you came in I stayed away. I watched you, though." He frowns at Jared's startled look. "Too creepy?"

Jared's grin is back. "Not creepy at all. I'm relieved, actually. Aldis said you liked me too, but it's good to hear it from you."

"Oh, Aldis said, did he?" Jensen says.

"Hey," Aldis pops up from where he was pretending to straighten the Manga display and not listen in, "Gigantor there started the conversation, I just went along for the ride."

Jared blushes and shrugs. "I heard what that woman said to you yesterday, and I figured it was a sign that I should step up before someone else does."

"Oh." The hope flares white hot in Jensen before reality intrudes to tamp it down a bit. "This is kind of... I don't think-"

"Han shot first!" Jared says quickly.

"Uh, what?"

"Aldis also told me that you're a pessimist, and if you get that little line between your eyebrows you're thinking destructive thoughts, and I should distract you with geek talk."

"I'm a realist," Jensen says haughtily, "and I don't get distracted that easi-"

"Joel Schumacher is a hack who can't be trusted to properly handle an icon."

"He put nipples on the Batsuit!" Jensen flails a bit. Even all these years later, it still hurts.

"That was evil and wrong," Jared says solemnly.

"Thank God for Christopher Nolan. Though, the whole Megan Fox as Catwoman rumor is kinda troubling. I think that..." Jensen pauses, and blinks. His cheeks flame. "That wasn't me being distracted," he says firmly.

"Of course not." Jared's dimples make another appearance.

Jensen huffs. "Seriously, though, we don't even know-"

"Deadpool is the awesomest, most badass character in comics, ever."

Jensen grins in spite of himself. "Now you're just trying to suck up."

"Maybe," Jared admits with a wry smile. "I do like him, though. I want to get Merc With a Mouth added to my pull box."

"Since when do you have a pull box?"

"Since I decided to try and woo my local comic store guy."

Jensen suppresses a smirk. "Woo?"

"Court." Jared nods firmly.

"Okay, Mr. English teacher," Jensen teases.

"You spent your formative years reading about a psychotic assassin, I spent mine with Mr. Darcy and the Bennet sisters."

Jensen frowns, doubt starting to creep back in. "Different worlds, man," he says softly.

"Yeah," Jared says, "but sometimes they collide. I'm hoping this won't end in a crisis, though."

Jensen raises an eyebrow.

"Aldis might have lent me the D.C. and Marvel Universe Encyclopedias." Jared's face scrunches up. "I have some questions about Superboy Prime."

"Don't we all." Jensen clears his throat. "As owner of this establishment, I feel compelled to point out that this isn't a library."

"And, as Jensen, what do you feel compelled to do?"

Jensen studies Jared's face for a moment. The larger man isn't smiling, but he's ready to, his lips pursed, those dimples already making creases in his cheeks. "Ask you to dinner," Jensen says finally.

Jared's grin comes back full force. "I feel compelled to say yes."

Aldis suddenly appears beside them. "Hallelujah, and all that, but I feel compelled to say that I don't want to walk in on any gay sex shenanigans. So, if you two decide to get frisky in here, lock the damn office door."

Jensen's about to fire Aldis, or at least really, truly chew him out, but the heavy weight of a well-muscled arm coming down over his shoulders knocks out all higher thought processes.

"Okay," Jared says, pulling Jensen close to his side, "we will." He looks down into Jensen's face. "Dinner?"

Jensen nods, then smirks at Aldis. "Close up tonight, will ya?" He has a date. A date with a guy who's willing to read comics--willing to read Deadpool--for him. Screw settling, Jensen's hit the jackpot.

As they leave the store, Jensen still tucked under Jared's arm, he thinks of the stack of books in his living room, and wonders what would be an acceptable time to wait before introducing the idea of cosplay. He just knows Jared would make an awesome Sam Winchester.

_______________

the end

Comments

[saone77.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

The fact that Jared reads Pride & Prejudice rocks my socks though ;)

Of course, now that he's fallen in with a geek he's going to have to read the one with zombies, and then Sense & Sensability & Sea Monsters. *nods head*