saone | New Series! Killer Romance

Title: This Could Get Messy
Series: Killer Romance aka The Adventures of crimeboss!Jared and ex-assassin!Jensen
Author:

saone77
Summary: AU. Jared has a pretty good life with his booming criminal organization and his indecently hot boyfriend, but when right-hand-man Chad thinks he's found a snitch will everything fall apart... or get cut into tiny pieces with a big-ass knife?
Pairings: J2
Rating: R
Warnings: Not betad, grammarians beware. Violence, slightly gory talk - nothing really hardcore
Word Count: 1636
Disclaimer: This is indulgent, cracktastic fiction.
Notes: This first part was originally written for this prompt at

spnkink_meme, and was supposed to be a one-off. But then the characters rapidly expanded, much like alien goo from a '50s horror movie, to take over my BRAIN. help.

Jared's almost finished going over his lieutenants' reports when Chad bursts through the doors of his office, a thin manila envelope in his right hand.

Jared raises an eyebrow. Chad has more leeway than most in his organization, being not only Jared's right hand, but also his best friend, but there's still certain protocol that should be observed.

"Ever heard of knocking, Murray?" he says.

"Jay..." There's nothing light or mocking in Chad's tone. In fact, Jared hasn't seen the smaller man look so serious since the last time Ventimiglia and his new crew tried to horn in on their 'exporting' business.

Jared feels acid start to churn in his stomach. If Chad looks like that, then his news can only be bad. Very, very bad. Jared sighs, imagining his anticipated afternoon activity - watching his boyfriend lounge and preen by the pool - go up in smoke.

"What's wrong?" Jared asks, steeling himself.

Chad shakes his head once. "I just... I never liked the guy, but I didn't think he'd squeal. I'm sorry, Jared."

Well, crap. Jared's jaw clenches. It was worse than a possible takeover. Chad had found a traitor in their midst. Now Jared was going to have to get dirty.

There's a sound of footsteps in the hallway and Jared watches as Jeff Morgan, his head of security, and Short and Evans, two of Jeff's men, walk in. It's the man they're flanking that garners most of his attention though.

Jensen pads into the room on bare feet. He's wearing a practically indecent forest green speedo, a breezy, open-buttoned white shirt, and a look of adorable confusion on his pretty face. He cocks his head to the side. "Jay?"

Jared resists the urge to shrug. He doesn't know what's going on yet, but he does know that his day is going to get interesting.

Chad sneers at Jensen before slamming his envelope down on Jared's desk. "This fucker's been meeting with the Feds."

Make that very interesting. And possibly messy. Jared quickly takes in the temperament of these men that, just a short while ago, seemed to get along so well. Chad is, of course, livid. Morgan is still, and cold, but Jared can see the fingers on his right hand twitch. Short and Evans are stoic, but clearly uncomfortable. Jensen seems perplexed by the matter.

"I'm not sure what-" Jensen's head rocks to the side as Chad backhands him.

"Chad!" Jared's up from his seat and around the corner of his desk before he even realizes it.

"Dirty traitors don't get to speak," Chad says. "It's all on your desk, Jared. Dates, times, pictures. Seems your boy's been having a pretty regular lunch date over the last few weeks with one Special Agent Collins."

Jared's eyes flit to the envelope. The evidence within sounds damning all right. He focuses on Jensen again. There's a red mark already coming up on his cheek, and he's dropped the clueless act. He's not angry, or scared though. He's just sort of... blank.

Jared knows he needs to diffuse the situation, and quickly, but how? "Chad-"

"Oh, and that's not the worst part," Chad sneers, interrupting him. "No, the worst part, is that after the last two meetings they booked some time in a hotel." Chad moves close to Jensen. "I don't get it. You haven't wanted for anything since you came into this house. Did you fuck the guy just 'cause you wanted to twist the knife you were gonna stick in Jared's back? Or have I been right about you all along, and deep down you're nothing but a whore."

That was a mistake.

Jensen moves faster than Jared's eyes can track. In the time it takes Jared to blink, formulate a sentence, and open his mouth to speak, Short and Evans are on the ground, and Morgan is hunched over, still on his feet, but in obvious pain. Jensen is standing up straight, feet planted, shoulders back, and a gun in his right hand, pointed between Chad's very surprised eyes.

"What the," Chad sputters. "Someone shoot him!"

"Little hard to do," Jeff says with a wheeze, "since that's my gun he's holding."

Jared leans back against his desk. "Jen, darlin'?"

"Yes, sweetiepie?"

Jared winces. "I suppose it's too much to ask for you to not make a mess in my office?"

"He had me followed, Jared," Jensen says. "He had me followed, and he was going to have Jeff kill me, and then have Chris and Columbus cut me up into tiny little pieces and dump all my bits in the ocean." Jensen's eyes and aim never falters, regardless of the irritation that's slipped into his voice. "I'll buy you new carpet."

"Chad's my second."

"He's a moron."

"He's my friend."

"You're a moron."

"He's loyal," Jared presses. "Yeah, okay, he went about things in a dickish way, but his endgame was to protect me, and my interests." Jared can tell that Jensen's wavering, so it's time to pull out the big guns. "Jen, please."

Jensen snorts, and lowers his weapon. "Jesus Christ. When the fuck did I get so whipped?"

"Probably around the time you decided to retire instead of killing me," Jared says with a smirk.

"Yeah, yeah." Jensen frowns as he takes in the carnage he's wrought. Jeff's standing mostly upright now, though it's obviously a struggle. Evans and Short are just starting to come around, blood on their already swelling faces. Chad is still looking almost comically shocked about the turn of events.

"Chad," Jensen says with a sigh, "I've never liked you. But Jared does, and, so far, that's kept me from carving you up like a fucking turkey and leaving what's left of your corpse rotting in the desert."

"Yeah, I'd still rather you didn't do that." Jared cringes as he gets hit with the full weight of Jensen's scowl. "Or, you know, whatever."

Jensen once again faces Chad. "Let me make something perfectly clear to you. If I wanted to bring down this organization, I wouldn't go to the FBI," he says, "I'd kill all of you in your sleep. And if I wanted to 'twist a knife in Jared's back', then I would have done it when I first met him. And I would have used a real knife. And I would have gotten paid a lot of money for it." Jensen peers closely into Chad's face. "Do you understand?"

Chad swallows hard. "What about Collins?"

"Jesus, Murray," Jeff says, "it might be time for you to shut up now."

"Actually, I'm a little interested in that too," Jared says. He shrugs apologetically at Jensen.

"You having trust issues, Jay?" Jensen's tone is light, teasing, but there's a warning underneath it.

"'Course not. But I would like to know just what's floating around that devious mind of yours."

Jensen grins, and Jared releases tension he didn't know he was holding.

"Collins approached me a few weeks ago, wanting me to roll. I drew him in, drew him out, and discovered a few things."

"Such as?"

"Well, he's batshit crazy, for one," Jensen says with a smile. "He's also gotten kind of... disenchanted with the establishment."

Jared knows there's a pleased expression on his face. "You think you can turn him?"

"Pretty sure," Jensen says. "And, if not, well, you know I clean up my messes."

"And the hotel?" Chad asks, eliciting groans from everyone else in the room. "What? Fine, I get it, you're some kind of ex-assassin guy, and you could kill me with your pinkie, but if you're stepping out on my boy we're still gonna have words."

"Fuck," Evans mutters. "No way I'm jumping in front of him to stop a bullet."

"See," Jared says, pointing at Chad, and ignoring his security team's discontent, "loyal. You can't kill him he's like..."

"A Pit Bull," Chad says.

"Pomeranian," Jensen corrects, grinning as Chad tries to puff himself up. "As for the hotel, it's got a world class spa, and Misha loves seaweed wraps. I've actually gotten kind of partial to them myself." Jensen glances at Jared. "I've been putting all that on your AmEx, by the way."

"I figured," Jared says. "You are being careful, right?"

Jensen flat out laughs at that. "Oh, Jared, you are adorable." He practically slinks over to his boyfriend and wraps himself around Jared's sturdy body. They kiss, deep and wet and hard, and before Jared's ready to let him go, Jensen's pulling back with a sharp little nip to Jared's lower lip. There's heat and temptation sparking in those green eyes, and Jared feels anticipation thrill through him.

"Get out," he says, his voice rough as his hands firmly grab onto Jensen's ass. "Now."

Chad's sputtering is abruptly cut off by Jeff's arm around his windpipe.

"You got it, boss," Jeff says. "And I'll, uh, make sure you're not disturbed." He gives a last lingering look at Jared and Jensen, then follows Short and Evans out the door, dragging Chad with him.

When the door closes Jared lets out a long huff of breath. "Think he's gonna be trouble?"

"Jeff?" Jensen thinks for a moment. "I'll have a talk with him. Make sure he knows I don't want his job. 'Course," Jensen grins, "he might just be realizing that every time he flirted with me he was basically taking his life into his hands."

"He thought he was teasing a kitten when he was pretty much baiting a tiger." Jared takes in the wicked light in Jensen's eyes. "You're gonna play with him, aren't you?"

"Little bit," Jensen admits. "Gonna play with you first, though."

As Jared's pushed back onto his desk, and Jensen clambers on top of him, he thinks about how his momma used to tell him nothing good could ever come from a life of crime. Shows what she knew.

Title: This Could Get Messier
Series: Killer Romance aka The Adventures of crimeboss!Jared and ex-assassin!Jensen
Author:

saone77
Summary: Jeff's wondering if it might be time to take a nice, long vacation.
Pairings: J2
Rating: R
Warnings: Not betad, grammarians beware.
Word Count: 1519
Disclaimer: This is indulgent, cracktastic fiction.

Jeff knows he's been skating on pretty damn thin ice where Jensen's concerned. Various members of his security team have told him time and time again that, eventually, fucking around with the boss' property - even if it's nothing more than teasing comments and light touches - was going to result in him getting his ass kicked. If he was lucky. And Jared was in a good mood.

Jeff doesn't even know why he did it. He likes women, mostly, and if he wanted a pretty boy with a nice ass to scratch an itch, well, Evans was definitely a safer option than Jensen. But Jeff never opted for safe. And now a part of him's wondering if that's why Jensen was so alluring to him in the first place - that maybe Jeff knew all along that there was something deadly hiding behind those green eyes.

Or maybe he's just full of shit and doesn't want to admit how badly he, and everybody else, had gotten played.

"Jensen?" Idris is sitting on the long couch in Jeff's office, along with Oscar, and they're both staring in shock at their teammates. "Jensen. The guy who spends ninety percent of his time looking decorative or getting fucked. That Jensen? Are you sure?"

Chris snorts, and then raises a hand to hover protectively over his broken nose. "Ow. Yes, Idris, we're pretty damn sure," he says. "One second I'm thinking how much it's gonna suck to end him since I genuinely like the guy, and the next his fist is breaking my face." He leans back in his chair. "It was fucking surreal, man."

Columbus nods. He looks at Jeff through squinty, swollen eyes. "Did you know?"

There's zero humor in Jeff's sudden burst of laughter. "No. I most definitely did not." But Jared did, and Jeff can't help but wonder what else his employer had decided wasn't 'need to know'. "Trust me, if I had any idea what he was capable of I would have..." Made sure the entire team was in on the take-down? Have Oscar hit Jensen with a tranq dart first? Put a tripwire across the top of the staircase and hope they got lucky? "Fuck it. I would have farmed it out to an outside contractor. Let Neeson and his crew take care of it." He never liked those guys.

"What now, boss?" Oscar asks, .

Jeff manages to hide his grimace as every member of his team turns to him expecting guidance. That was a good question, and one that he'd been asking himself since he'd escorted Murray from Jared's office. "The short answer? Nothing." He shrugs. "Jensen's an... unknown, but he's not a traitor. He's loyal to Jared, which means he's not a security risk, which means he's not our problem."

Idris' gaze is heavy and knowing. "You really believe that? A fucking assassin hiding under our noses this whole time and you think that's not our problem?"

"I agree with Jeff," Chris says. "So Jensen's past is just as dirty as ours. So what?" Chris shrugs. "He took three of us out of commission before we could even blink, but he didn't kill us. He knew what we were planning on doing to him, but he still pulled his punches."

"He did say he was retired, right?" Columbus glances at Jeff who nods. "And it's not like he hasn't had countless opportunities to take us out, if that's what he wanted."

"I don't like it," Idris says. "Not one fucking bit. And if he tries any shit with me he's gonna get acquainted with my blades right quick."

Jeff opens his mouth, but what can he say, really? Please don't start something because I'm not completely sure you'll win? That would go over like a lead balloon.

He's still trying to figure out the best way to keep Idris safe and alive without insulting his badass cred when there's a knock on the door, and Jeff knows with utmost certainty who's on the other side. "Come in."

The door pushes open and, yeah, there's Jensen. The smile he gives them has a bit of an edge to it, but it's nothing like the expression he wore while facing off against Murray so Jeff relaxes the hold he has on the piece strapped to the underside of his desk.

"For some reason my ears are burning," Jensen says, "Y'all wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Jeff's proud of his men, they don't look away, or flinch. In fact, it's Jensen who winces when he sees Chris and Columbus and their ruined faces.

"Jesus," he says. "Sorry about that." There's not an ounce of sarcasm in Jensen's tone.

"Eh," Chris says with a shrug, "I was planning on cutting your tongue out. I suppose you smashing my nose is only fair." His grin looks macabre, and Jensen's answering grin looks slightly unhinged.

Jeff has the sudden instinct that those two should probably be kept far, far away from each other. He clears his throat. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Jensen leans against the doorframe. "Just wanted to make sure we're good. Are we good, Jeff?"

Jeff settles back in his chair. "I don't know. Are we?"

Jensen laughs, "Such a hard-ass," he says. "I've got no problems with you. Any of you. You guys keep Jay safe." He glances around the room, holding the gaze of each man.

Idris leans forward, his right hand slipping down between the cushions of the couch where Jeff knows he has at least one knife stashed. "And what if, while keeping Jared safe, we end up having a problem with you?"

Jensen cocks his head. There's going to be trouble there, Jeff can feel it.

"Like I told Chad," Jensen says, "if I was going to kill Jared, I would have done it back when I was getting a payday. I don't go for long cons, and I don't get off on playing with my victims," his eyes flick towards Jeff, "much."

Chris claps his hands together. "Good enough for me, man," he says. "Now, I am starving, and you are so buying the two of us dinner for, like, the next ever." He gestures to Columbus. "Right?"

"Hell yeah," Columbus says, surging to his feet and regaining at least a semblance of his usual good humor.

"Hey, what happened to 'I was gonna cut out your tongue, we're even'?" Jensen says.

"Pfft. Sure we're even, but your actions have deprived the world of my good looks for at least the next few weeks. That requires penance, my friend."

"I guess I could use some good karma," Jensen says wryly.

"Awesome," Chris says. "Guys?"

Oscar glances at Jeff, then Idris, before shrugging and standing up. Idris remains seated, and so does Jeff.

"You kids go on ahead," Jeff says. "But, Jensen, this isn't over. Next time we talk I'm gonna want to know everything. And I mean, everything. Understand?"

Jensen looks thoughtful. "Ask Jay. It's as much his story as mine. And if he's in a good mood he might even do voices." With that the ex-assassin fucking winks at him.

Jeff watches as the four younger men file out of the room.

Idris snorts. "I'm glad Evans has found a new best friend."

"Don't bitch Chris out yet," Jeff says, "only half that enthusiasm was real, and you know it." Keep your friends close... He was going to have to have a talk with the kid. Make sure he didn't do anything stupid, like actually get attached to Ackles. At least Columbus and Oscar were with them, and Jensen didn't seem overly homicidal.

"Right," Idris says, "and what about you?"

"What what about me?"

"You think that now he's not hiding anymore he's gonna let all those little things you've done over the years slide? What was it you told him when he asked about security for Jared's trip to Bolivia? 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it, sweetheart'?"

Jeff winces. Christ. And that had been one of his tamer comments.

"You're gonna wake up one morning and find something vital cut off," Idris says. "And I'll spend the rest of your dickless life saying 'I told you so'. Because I'm your friend."

"Awesome."

"I'm serious, though, and you should be too." Idris pulls out one of his knives and uses it to point straight at Jeff's chest. "This does change things. And we're going to regret not taking care of it when we had the chance."

"Let's not forget, Jared loves him," Jeff says. "You kill Jensen you better be prepared to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, 'cause he'll find you." And they both know the carnage that Jared's capable of. "God, I just realized, Padalecki's probably the stable one in their relationship." And if that doesn't give a man cold chills...

Idris says nothing, but Jeff can see the gears in head head working overtime. There's a very bad feeling starting in the pit of his stomach, and Jeff wonders how much of a pussy he would look like if he took some vacation time now.

Title: Better Than Chocolates
Series: Killer Romance
Author:

saone77
Summary: Valentine's Day timestamp
Pairings: J2
Rating: R
Warnings: Non-descriptive gore
Word Count: 923
Disclaimer: This is indulgent, cracktastic fiction.
Notes: So, the lovely nonnie who started all this madness in the first place commented You've crafted a Jensen who might, might, bring Jared a head or heart in a box - and for me nothing says love and devotion like 'head in a box', and I immediately thought "Oooh, Valentines Day timestamp!!!" \o/

Jared may be a hardened criminal, but that doesn't mean he's without a soft side. In fact, if anyone scratched his surface they'd find nothing more than a giant puppy. With questionable ethics and morals. And rabies. But, still, a puppy.

He also has quite the romantic side. Even before he met and fell for Jensen, back when he was finding his companions through the escort branch of his empire - Mike's whores were not only skilled, but also cleared through a rigorous set of background checks... so much easier than dating - he made sure that whoever was sharing his bed was lavished with gifts, both large and small, and always thoughtful. And if the gift-giving somehow helped to alleviate some of the hollow feeling that such loveless encounters ultimately incurred... well, that was no one's business but his own.

With Jensen the only thing Jared feels after sex is bone-deep contentment, but he still made it a habit to shower Jensen with presents. At first. Turned out the constant tokens of affection made Jensen feel less loved, and more 'kept'.

"You don't have to buy me ten thousand dollar watches, Jay," he said one night, the open box laying on his sheet-covered lap. "I'm already in your bed."

Jared frowned. "But you wanted it. You said you liked it."

"Yeah, I do like it, but I didn't mention it so you would immediately go out and drop ten grand to get it for me. I was going to get one myself." Jensen narrowed his eyes. "My previous profession was kinda lucrative, you know."

Jared swallowed. He did know, especially considering he was almost nothing more than an addition to Jensen's bank account. "I just want to make you happy."

Jensen sighed, "you make me happy." He put the watch on the nightstand and rolled over to straddle Jared. "How about this," he said, "you limit all gift-giving to holidays, and I don't tie you up and pull out your fingernails."

Jared was pretty sure he was joking. "Holidays, and anniversaries."

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Fine."

"And special occasions."

"Do you want me to get my pliers?"

In the end Jensen did get out his pliers, but a lethal combination of googly eyes and dicksucking kept Jared's fingernails intact and netted him the special occasion clause. He considered it a win.

Now it was once again time for one of Jared's favorite holidays. It was Valentines Day, and Jared had been, admittedly, going a bit overboard this year. For the past week the mansion had been littered with red roses and pink carnations. Breakfast came in the form of heart-shaped pancakes. Chocolate dipped strawberries and champagne had become the nightly dessert. Pink ribbons had been fasted to the staircase, and sparkly white organza had been draped along everything that stood still long enough, including that mute guy on Jeff's team who never takes off his hat. Cupid had pretty much puked all over the Padalecki organization.

Jared knows the only reason he's getting away with such a tacky and pink display of festiveness is because he's still recovering from a gunshot wound to his left thigh. And Jensen, who has a lower tolerance than most for such things, has been off running an 'errand' for the last few days.

Jared didn't ask, even though he really, really wanted to.

He's hobbling into his office, wondering, not for the first time, how far he could push all this guilt-tinged sympathy - calling for mandatory Valentines cards would be worth it just to see Jeff's face. All thoughts fall by the wayside, though, and he's brought op short by the sight in front of him.

A medium sized, baby pink box with a glittery red bow is sitting in the middle of his desk, and Jensen is in the chair behind it, a soft, yet wicked looking smile on his face.

"Hey, Jay," he says, getting up and moving forward to sweep Jared into a tight hug.

Jared buries his face in Jensen's neck, but he certainly doesn't cling. Well, okay, maybe a little...

"Missed you," Jared says. He pulls back, but doesn't relinquish his hold. "Where have you been?"

Jensen looks coy. "Getting your present." He wriggles out of Jared's arms, and takes his hand, tugging him towards the desk.

Jared can't help but grin. Jensen's excitement is contagious. "I can't open it yet. Valentines isn't for another two days."

Jensen snorts. "Trust me, you're not gonna want to let this wait two days. Unless you put it in the 'fridge."

"It's edible?"

"Um... technically, yeah."

Jared rubs his hands together, then lifts the lid to the box. He blinks.

"I just figured..." Jensen looks adorably bashful. "I mean, you've given me all those hearts over the years so..."

"Yours were always filled with chocolates," Jared says weakly. "Who-"

"The guy who shot you. He was hiding out in Laredo." Jensen cocks his head to one side. "Do you... do you not like it?"

Jared puts the lid back on the box, turns to Jensen, and takes a deep breath. He then pulls Jensen into his arms and kisses him, pouring all his affection and desire into the contact between them. "I love it," he says, laying gentle pecks on Jensen's lower lip. "Love you. So much."

Tension leaves Jensen's frame. "Love you too." He instigates their next kiss, and when they're done he lays his head on Jared's shoulder. "Did I really see pink bows on the staircase?"

"It was all Jeff's idea."

"Sure it was."

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

wirrrn.livejournal.com

Hee! This was awesome and funny and sweet and probably could be used to get you locked away somewhere underground where they have plexiglass cell walls *g*. Loved it!

btw- thanks for being nice to Chris Evans. I love that boy *g*

From:

Blah, Blah, Blah...

New Series! Killer Romance - J2 AU

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