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saoneTitle: Life's No Fun Without a Good Scare
Summary: When Jared gets roped into working a Halloween attraction he figures it'll be a simple way to make some quick cash. What he doesn't count on are an insane boss, a weepy serial killer, and pissy cannibals. Oh, and the green-eyed guy he's supposed to murder every night. It's gonna be a long month.
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
saone77
Pairing: J2
Word Count: 9,505
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing but silly, indulgent fiction.
Warnings: Talk of fake, but gory Halloween stuff.
Notes: This is what happens after you mainline three hours of America Haunts. Thanks towirrrn for the look-through!
_____________
"Has anyone ever told you you'd make an awesome psycho killer?"
Jared looked up from his bowl of Frosted Flakes and warily took in the appearance of his overexcited roommate. From the way he was barely put together, Chad had obviously just rolled out of bed, but Jared was sure the manic look in his eyes had less to do with sudden wakefulness, and more to do with a horribly ill conceived scheme. One which Jared would definitely not be participating in.
"Chad,” Jared said, “you know that time that sorority chick dumped you and we both got drunk off our asses, and we promised to be BFFs, and I said I would totally help you hide a body? Yeah, I wasn't really serious."
Chad rolled his eyes and crossed over to the fridge. "Please, bitch,” his voice was muffled as he dug through its meager contents, “you would use those freakish tree trunks you call arms and dig me a grave if I needed one, and you know it."
"Only if I got to stuff you inside when I was done, bestie."
Chad emerged from the fridge with two cartons of Thai food. Since Jared couldn't remember the last time they had ordered Thai he decided he’d better add Lysol to their growing grocery list.
"I'm trying to present you with an opportunity,” Chad said, “and you're just gonna rag on me? That's what this relationship has devolved into?"
"First, don't call whatever we have a relationship.” Jared shuddered. “You using that word skeeves me out. Second, the last time you presented me with an 'opportunity' it took five fucking weeks for my eyebrows to grow back. So, I can unequivocally say I am not interested." Jared began to quickly shovel in the rest of his cereal. The sooner he could leave, the less of a chance there was that he might end up snapping and doing serious harm to his roommate. Jared was still very sensitive about his eyebrows.
Chad snickered around a mouthful of food. “Dude, you looked so stu-” Chad caught the death glare Jared was sending him. "Okay, still pissy about that. Dully noted.” He cleared his throat. “But come on, man, you're not gonna even ask about the whole 'psycho killer' thing?"
"Nope." Jared lifted his bowl to his mouth and slurped down the rest of his milk. He was almost free.
"Wow. You're not even a little bit curious?"
"I'm not loosing anymore hair, Chad. Fuck off."
"Fine, fine,” Chad said. “So I guess you're also not interested in making a couple hundred dollars for doing practically nothing?"
"Since I want to keep my perky ass out of prison, I'm gonna have to say you guessed correctly."
"Prison? Jared, do you really think I would put you into a situation where you'd end up in... well, okay, there was that one time Freshman year, but those charges were dropped, yo."
Jared added his bowl to the growing tower of dirty dishes in the sink. "I'm leaving,” he said, more than ready to escape Chad’s special brand of madness.
"I know someone who knows someone who's looking for a tall, beefy guy to play the part of a knife-wielding maniac in a haunted house,” Chad blurted out. “And I thought to myself, hey, Jared's tall, and beefy, and currently unemployed."
“Haunted house? What?” Jared scowled. "And I'm not unemployed."
"Right. Sorry. I forgot your part-time, under-the-counter job at the hippy-dippy store."
"It's a bookstore, douchebag."
"You come home every day stinking like Woodstock,” Chad said. “The original flavor."
Jared rolled his eyes. "The owner likes to burn incense."
"Hippy. Dippy."
"What else am I supposed to do with a degree in literature? You know, besides find a good, sturdy piece of cardboard and pick out a street corner,” Jared said. “Besides, Margie, in the children’s section, is ninety if she’s a day, and once she’s gone I’m so gonna be a full timer. We’re talking 401k and benefits. Not great benefits,” Jared conceded, “but, still, benefits.”
“In other words, you’re basically spending your days waiting for an old woman to die,” Chad said. Jared shifted uncomfortably and Chad nodded. “Yeah, you never get to say anything bad about me ever again.”
“Whatever.”
“Just don’t go 'helping' Margie along, okay?”
Jared decided a subject change was in order. “So,” he said, “this 'friend' of yours wouldn't happen to be female, would she?"
"You wound me, Jay,” Chad said. “Seriously. Through the heart."
"You don't have a heart."
"Yes I do!” Chad threw a balled up napkin at Jared’s head. He missed. “Fucker. And right now my heart belongs to this extremely hot chick named Sophia."
"I knew it,” Jared said. “She makes, what, the third girl you’ve macked on this week? You're a freakin' dog, man."
"Woof, dude, woof.” Chad grinned. “But I actually haven’t sealed the deal yet. I need to, though. I mean, seriously, her tits are like--"
"Stop. Please, stop." Jared still had trouble eating melons without thinking of one of Chad’s extremely in-depth descriptions of a previous conquest’s, well, melons. He really didn’t want any other food substances ruined for him via comparison to girlie parts.
“I’m sorry we can’t all be gay and fabulous, Jay,” Chad said. “But, you'll do it, right?"
“Be gay and fabulous?” Jared smiled. “Always.”
“Do the haunted house thing, dipshit.”
"The answer's still no, Chad,” Jared said.
"But I already promised that you would!"
"What? Why would you go and do a fool thing like that?"
"'Cause I know you'd have my back."
Jared sighed. "Chad-"
"And be susceptible to guilt."
"Chad!"
“Come on,” Chad said, putting a wheedling tone in his voice. “It’s five nights a week through the beginning of October, and then the entire week leading up to Halloween.”
Much to his consternation, Jared found himself actually considering the offer.
Chad must have realized that he had Jared fully baited, and he began to reel him in. “Just think about it, man,” he said, “you could get paid for scaring people. How cool a gig would that be?”
“That could be pretty cool, I suppose,” Jared said.
“Extremely cool.”
“I could still go into the bookstore for a couple hours in the afternoons,” Jared mused.
“Being away from there more would remove you from the temptation of offing someone’s grandma for dental coverage.” Chad ducked as Jared’s hand flew towards the back of his head.
“If I do decide to off Margie, I’m gonna test my technique out on you first,” Jared said.
“Promises, promises,” Chad said. “So, will you do it?”
Jared thought it over some more, delaying his decision mainly just to see Chad sweat a bit. Finally, he said, “yeah. I’ll do it.”
Chad let out a huge whoop. “Sophia’s panties, here I come!”
“Say anything like that again and I’ll change my mind,” Jared warned.
Chad mimed buttoning his lips. But even staying silent didn't effect the unholy glee present in his eyes.
“You’re a horrible, horrible person,” Jared said flatly. “And, I swear, if I end up regretting this, so will you.”
“Whatever, dude, I’m getting laid!"
Jared watched as Chad did this spastic dance out of the kitchen and down the hall to his bedroom. The absurd sight did little to quell the ball of apprehension that was quickly forming in Jared’s gut. What the hell was he thinking, agreeing to work in a haunted house? Ever since his last growth spurt at sixteen he had spent most of his life trying not to scare people. What if he couldn't pull this off?
At least Jared knew that the unease he was feeling in his stomach would be nothing compared to what Chad would be going through once that Thai food had its revenge.
Jared was whistling as he left the apartment, buoyed by the thought of his roommate’s horrible suffering--Jesus, maybe he did need to keep away from Margie.
_____________
The Kripkeeper's Devil’s Trap was located in a refurbished furniture warehouse on the south side of town. The outside of the three story brick building looked completely innocuous, if a bit shabby. The only nod to the building's disreputable contents was the huge banner advertising the upcoming haunted attraction, and the handful of zombies loitering by the front door.
Jared had cut the engine and was out of his truck before he could second guess himself into going home. As he approached The Devil's Trap one of the not-so-undead broke from the herd.
"We're closed right now, mortal," the guy said, lifting his arms and lurching towards Jared, "but come back the first weekend in October and we'll gladly suck your brains then. Rarrwww."
Jared blinked. "Um, yeah, I'm your new psycho killer. Jared Padalecki."
"Oh, dude!" The zombie dropped his act and grinned. His teeth and gums were stained a dark green. "Soph said she was getting a guy, but... Hey, man, I'm Aldis."
Jared took Aldis' offered hand. "Nice to meet you. I like your... rotting flesh.”
“S’cool, right?” Aldis gingerly touched at the raw wounds along his jawline.
“If you guys don’t open for another week why are you all...” Jared hoped that by making a few random hand gestures he could fully encompass all the weirdness that was before him.
“Oh, it’s test day,” Aldis said. He put a friendly arm around Jared’s shoulder and began to lead him towards the entrance of the building. “Everybody comes in and lets Jim, our makeup guy, and the special effects geeks have their way with us. They take pictures and make reference guides so when opening night comes everybody’s not running around trying to remember who gets the distending eyeball prosthetic.”
Eyeball prosthetic? This was sounding a lot more complicated than Jared had anticipated.
Aldis opened one of the heavy double doors and gestured to Jared. “Destiny awaits.”
The interior of The Devil’s Trap was definitely not what Jared expected. Bright, halogen lights hung from the ceiling illuminating every nook and cranny of an elaborate set. Wooden walls had been painted to look like the rough hewed walls of an old crypt. The effect was somewhat ruined by a stack of paint cans and several roles of plastic propped up against the gate, and the faint sounds of carpentry could be heard from somewhere in the cavernous building.
“Whoa,” Jared said. “This is impressive.”
“This is just the gateway, dude,” Aldis said. “Wait ‘til you see the inner sets after the lighting techs finish working their magic.”
“Makeup artists, effects guys, lighting techs...” Jared frowned feeling self-conscious and out of his depth.
Aldis cocked his head. “Let me guess, you were thinking you were gonna find yourself in some dinky church basement or rec room.”
“Pretty much,” Jared said. “That’s why I’ve never been to one of these before. I kinda thought, how scary could it be, you know?”
“I hear ya,” Aldis said, “and I was the same way ‘til a couple cousins dragged me into this place down in Louisiana. That house incorporated live animals; snakes and gators. Man, there was this one part where you walked over a swamp with a huge real gator just feet away from the walkway, then you turn a corner and an animatronic one came out and snapped at you. I’m not ashamed to say, I about pissed myself.”
Jared raised his eyebrows. “Dude, I’m pretty sure I would have pissed myself.”
Aldis laughed. “It was close, man. Trust me, these are not your grandma’s haunted houses. This industry pulls in billions of dollars ever year, and bigger scares equal bigger money.”
“Billions? No way.”
Aldis shrugged. “Halloween is second only to Christmas in the amount of revenue it produces. It is a serious, serious business. But it’s also the most fun you’re ever gonna have at a job.” He tugged at Jared’s sleeve. “Come on, time to meet the boss.”
Jared took one more look at the gate, then followed Aldis past the ticket window and through a door to a hallway. After having his eyes seared by the halogens the darkness of the hall was a welcome relief.
“This hall wraps around the building. It gets kind of narrow in some places, but it gives the actors an easy way to circumnavigate the haunt. It’s also handy if one of the customers gets a little over-excited. You see anyone having heart problems, or hyperventilating, you get them to the hallway and they can be out of the building in a few minutes, as opposed to wandering back through the haunt to get to an exit.”
“Heart palpitations! Seriously?”
“It hasn’t happened here, but we hear stories every year from other houses. There’s a defibrillator in the control room, and our cannibalistic hillbillies, are trained medics. It’s all mainly just a precautionary thing. Don’t think on it too much.” Aldis patted Jared’s arm. “Anyway, there’s a staircase past the corner. The upper floors are part of the attraction, the basement is where our costuming and effects magic happens. You’ll be heading down there after you meet with Kripke.”
Jared’s head was reeling a bit from having all his preconceived notions blown completely out of the water. Chad was going to owe him big time. “I have to admit,” he said, “I’m a little overwhelmed by all this.”
“I hear ya.” Aldis smiled and showed off his green-tinged teeth again. “It can be overwhelming at first, but, dude, you’re gonna be fine. And if you need any help, we’re kind of like a giant family, you know? A giant, dysfunctional, disturbed family.”
Aldis stopped walking, and Jared saw a plain wooden door set into the wall. “All right,” Aldis said, “this is Kripke’s office. Go in, introduce yourself, let him give you the standard speeches, and then you can decide if you want to do a runner.”
“I wasn’t--”
“Jared, you’ve been uncomfortable since you got out of your truck, and you’ve been nervous since I mentioned the fake eyeball. This life ain’t for everybody.”
“I’m tougher than I look.”
“Cool. Then knock on the door already.” Aldis started backing away. “Oh, and don’t worry too much about Kripke, he freaks everybody out.” With that less than reassuring statement and a jaunty wave Aldis left Jared to face the twisted mind behind the whole operation--his new boss.
Jared steeled himself and knocked on the door.
“Enter. If you dare!” Was the muffled reply.
Jared briefly cursed Chad, Chad’s sex drive, and Chad’s ability to somehow be a total skeeve yet still get Jared to do things for him. He then opened the door.
The office he stepped into looked almost normal, except for the horror movie posters on the walls, the various fake body parts on the bookshelves, and the slightly disturbed looking man behind the desk.
“Wow. You’re big,” the disturbed looking man said.
“Thanks, Mr... Kripke?”
“Yeah, that’s me.” Kripke stood up, and he and Jared shook hands. “But drop the Mr. part, okay, kid? You have got to be Sophia’s find.”
“Jared. Jared Padalecki.”
“Right.” Kripke walked around his desk. His head tilted back more and more the closer he got to Jared. “Geez, I think you’re taller than Tom,” he said. “Broader too.”
“Tom?”
“Our previous masked psycho killer.” Kripke’s face darkened. “He had to... leave. Unexpectedly.”
“Oh.” Jared swallowed. “He wasn’t injured, or anything? I mean--”
“That isn't something I like to talk about, Jared,” Kripke said firmly.
Regardless of what he had said to Aldis about being tough, Jared itched to turn around and run out the door, but he wasn’t sure how far he’d get. He had almost a foot of height, and a good fifty or so pounds of muscle on the guy in front of him, but Jared knew that Kripke had the advantage of being not quite right in the head. Crazy could beat built any day of the week.
“Have a seat,” Kripke said, seemingly done in his perusal.
Jared obeyed, settling himself in one of the two uncomfortable chairs facing Kripke’s desk.
Kripke took his own seat and leaned forward, elbows on the desk, and steepled his fingers. “Why do you want to work in my Devil’s Trap?”
“My roomate’s making me.”
Kripke frowned and Jared gulped.
"Do you know why I started my haunted house, Jared?"
"No."
"Because I like scaring people,” Kripke said. “I love hearing people scream. I adore that 'oh shit' look they get on their faces. I get off on watching husbands hide behind their wives when a guy with a chainsaw rushes them. I piss my pants over people pissing their pants. Now, some would say I'm not quite right in the head.”
Jared very wisely kept his mouth shut.
“Yes,” Kripke went on, “I admit, I do have my moments of lunacy. Of course, we all go a little mad sometimes.” Kripke paused and looked at Jared expectantly.
“Oh.” Jared forced out a laugh. “We all... from Psycho. Very funny.”
Kripke smiled, obviously pleased. “Yes, thank you. But insanity can be sparked by creativity, and my creative insanity has give me a three hundred thousand dollar house, two cars, and a timeshare in Boca. Do you understand what I’m telling you, Jared?”
“This place makes you a lot of money?”
“Exactly.” Kripke beamed. “This is your contract. Memorize the rules and regulations, sign it and get it back to me before next Thursday. Head downstairs to get your mask and prop. And, Jared, don’t fuck up my haunted house. Now, get out.”
Jared grabbed the papers Kripke was holding out and high-tailed it out of there before the strange, little man changed his strange, little mind.
_____________
The basement of The Devil's Trap was bright with whitewashed walls and a sealed cement floor. There was a lounge area right off the staircase with mismatched couches and armchairs. Some of his fellow actors, both in costume and not, were already there. Jared received a few nods of greeting, and he returned them, wondering just how many actors The Devil’s Trap employed, and how hard it would be to place names to made, and unmade, faces.
“Jared, my man, you’re still alive!” Aldis appeared from out of nowhere. “What did you think of our fearless leader?”
“He’s nuttier than a jar full of cashews.”
“That he is, my friend. That he is.”
“I’m surprised the guy I’m replacing had the balls to quit right before Halloween.”
“Yeah.” For the first time since Jared had met him, Aldis’ face turned serious. “Well, shit happens, you know?”
No, Jared didn’t know. But he really wanted to find out. “Kripke was kind of vague, man. What really happened to him?”
Aldis scratched at one of the gaping wounds on his neck. “He, uh... he had an accident. Yeah. It was some freak thing. I mean you don't want to think that a role is cursed, but--" Aldis winced as a redhead with no face gave him a mighty wallop on the back of his head. "Woman!"
"Save your scare tactics for the paying customers, Al." She gave Jared a smile which looked really, really wrong since she had no lips. “I’m Danneel. I was dropped in a vat of acid. How are you?”
“Mildly freaked. I’m Jared, by the way.”
“Oh, I know who you are,” Danneel said, sidling up to him. “You’re the guy who’s going to make this next month bearable, aren’t you?”
Aldis snorted. “Number one, your face, what’s left of it, looks like raw hamburger. Number two, if I see your shame do you want me to return it to you?”
Danneel swiped at Aldis again, but he danced out of the way. “Undead bitch,” she said.
“Skinless skank,” he replied.
As Jared watched Danneel stick her tongue out, and Aldis extend his middle finger, he couldn’t help but loose most of the tension that had built up along his shoulders upon entering this madhouse. The teasing was so clearly sibling-like in nature, and belied such an easy comradery, that he couldn’t help but relax.
“Jesus, will you two stop flirting and just do it already,” called out a pretty blonde woman in a dirty babydoll dress with paper white skin and beetle black eyes.
“Beth!” Aldis looked completely scandalized. His wide eyes darted everywhere but Danneel. “I have to... I need to... Later.” He all but ran from the room.
Danneel scowled. “Gee, thanks for that,”
Beth shrugged. “Look, Aldis is a sweetheart, but he has the romantic instincts of a gnat. If you want him to hit that,” she gestured to Danneel’s ass, “then you have to hit him first. With a two by four.”
“Whatever,” Danneel sighed. She grabbed Jared’s arm. “Come on, new guy, let’s get you squared away.”
Jared gave black-eyed Beth a little wave as he was dragged into a hallway made by a bunch of partitions.
“I just want you to know I’m totally hot under all this,” Danneel said.
“I have no doubt,” Jared said, “but you should know that I’m totally gay.”
Danneel stopped in her tracks. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Jared said. “Is that gonna be a problem?”
“No! No problem.” Correctly interpreting Jared’s skeptical face, she continued, “really, we’ve got gays, straights, a couple transgenders, and... well, whatever the hell Misha is.”
Jared nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Danneel gave him another lipless smile. “So... you seeing anybody right now?”
Jared raised his eyebrows. “Not at the moment.”
“Huh. Should be interesting,” Danneel said under her breath.
“What’s inter--”
“Nothing! Come on.” Danneel started to quickly walk down the hallway.
“Where are we going?” Jared asked, his long legs making it easy to keep up with her. “And how big is this place, anyway?”
“If you want square footage, I can’t give it to you. But, I can tell you that most of the space down here is taken up by our special effects studio, and that’s where we’re headed.” They walked past a line of people waiting to step through a door in one of the partitions. “That’s makeup,” Danneel said. “Since you’re going to be in a mask you won’t have to worry about that so you can bypass Jim.”
“Lucky!” said a lizard-man hurrying past them.
“You’d better hope he didn’t hear that, Brock,” Danneel said.
“Oh, I heard it,” a grumpy sounding voice called out. “Idjits.”
“He’s a teddy bear,” Danneel whispered, “really.” She tugged on Jared’s arm and they moved on.
“Costuming is to your right,” Danneel said with a gesture. “That’s where Sophia is, but you probably won’t need to go in there either.”
They walked a few more feet, then Jared said, “uh, Danneel, can I ask you something?”
“Within reason, cutie.”
Jared smiled at the casual flirting. "I know Aldis was bullshitting me, but what really happened with Tom?"
Danneel scrunched up her face, the prosthetics smoothly moving with the expression. "Ugh, it was a mess. His boyfriend, Mike, plays the Mad Butcher, and they had some huge, knock down drag out fight and broke up. I’m not sure of the specifics, but I know Tom got custody of their favorite coffee shop, and Mike got custody of The Devil’s Trap. Mike’s still in a pretty bad place. Right now we’re all just hoping he doesn’t burst into tears while he and Allie are doing their disemboweling shtick.”
“The guy left over a breakup?” Jared winced. “No wonder Kripke’s still pissed.”
“He’s calmed down,” Danneel said. “You should have seen him when he first got the news. He turned so red I thought we were going to have to get Chris and Steve and set the poor guy up with some oxygen.”
“Chris and Steve. The cannibalistic hillbilly medics?”
Danneel smiled. “You met them?”
“Aldis mentioned them when he was telling me what to do if I accidentally scare someone into a heart attack.”
“Oh, that usually doesn’t hardly ever happen.” Danneel frowned. “For the most part. Anyway, if there was one person more pissed about the whole thing with Mike and Tom than Kripke, it was Jensen. He and Tom had put a lot of work into their routine." She stopped outside another door. “Here we are. A.J., Travis, I bring you fresh meat,” she called out.
Jared smiled at the two guys who came to the door to greet them, but his brain was still stuck on what Danneel had just said. There was a routine? There was a routine with another guy? Jared thought he was just going to be jumping out from behind something waving his arms and yelling. Then again, nothing else about this place was what he had thought it would be. He really needed to scrap all his assumptions.
“Okay,” Danneel said, catching Jared’s attention. “I’ll leave you in the capable hands of our two resident geeks.”
“That’s supergeeks,” the guy with the glasses said smugly.
“Wait,” Jared said before Danneel could walk away, “you said something about a routine? And, who's Jensen?"
“No one told you?” Danneel winked at him. "Jensen’s your victim."
_____________
A.J. and Travis were easily two of the coolest guys Jared had ever met. They both designed and implemented most of the special effects used in The Devil’s Trap, from the simplest blood capsule to the more complex animatronic demons. A.J. had been right when he’d corrected Danneel--he and Travis were supergeeks.
"Okay, your mask is going to be a standard white false face,” A.J. said.
Jared took the mask from Travis. He slipped it over his head, being careful the elastic of the strap didn’t catch in his hair.
“How’s your field of vision?” Travis asked.
Jared moved his head around. “Not bad.”
“Good,” Travis said. “You’ll need to black out around your eyes. Jim’s got some hypo-allergenic stuff that’ll work.”
Jared nodded. So, he’d have to meet the infamous Jim after all.
“Don’t worry about a costume,” A.J. said, “just dress in basic black--black jeans, black shirt, black hoodie... you have a black hoodie, right?"
"I can get one,” Jared said.
Travis nodded. "Awesome. The hoodie is a must. You'll want to keep the white of your mask hidden until you jump out with the scare.”
“As for that,” A.J. said with a wicked smirk, “you're gonna be carrying a big ass knife. Sounds simple, basic horror 101 stuff, right?" A.J. waited for Jared to nod. "Right. But this is where it gets cool. Your knife--filed down and dull as shit, so don’t worry about really slicing and dicing--has a little hose glued to the blade. The hose is attached to a bladder full of fake blood. When you draw the knife across Jensen's throat, you'll squeeze the bladder hard to get that nice arterial spray. We'll make sure you have a container of fake blood so you can refill between groups."
"That sounds... kind of cool, actually." Jared decided to ignore the whole slashing a stranger’s throat thing for the moment.
"It's cool as hell, man!” Travis said. “See, Jensen's gonna be wearing his regular street clothes. His tee shirt's gonna be black to hide the bloodstains, but he's gonna be dressed normally. No masks, no makeup. He's gonna blend."
Jared nodded as the plan came together in his head. "So when I jump out it'll look like I'm randomly attacking one of the customers."
"Exactly,” A.J. said. “Most customers know, no matter how scared they get, that the actors aren’t supposed to touch them. There’s that unspoken safety net. But when you pop up and grab Jensen--”
“Tom used to say the screams would echo in his ears for hours afterwards.”
Jared, A.J., and Travis turned towards the man standing just inside the door. He was bald, and wore a leather apron over a heavily bloodstained white shirt and pants.
“Hey, Mike,” Travis said. “How are you, man?”
“Oh, you know...” He gave them all a watery smile. “I just came to see if you had finished up with Allie’s new batch of intestines.”
“Yeah, give me a sec.” A.J. disappeared around a stack of precariously placed boxes.
“So, you’re here to replace Tom,” Mike said to Jared.
“Yeah. I just... I heard what happened, and... sorry.” To his great distress, Jared saw Mike’s eyes well up with tears.
“We were... Six years... Loved him... Oh, God...”
Jared and Travis watched in horror as Mike, the Mad Butcher, collapsed on the floor in a heap of snot, tears, and heartache.
The longest Jared had been with a guy was seven months. He couldn’t imagine the pain that would come with the ending of a relationship of six years. But just because he could sympathize didn’t mean he wanted a courtside seat to the guy’s meltdown.
“Should we... do something?” he whispered to Travis.
Travis shrugged. His wide eyes got even bigger as two guys dressed in stained and ripped flannel shirts and overalls came into the studio.
“For the love of God,” the dark haired one said, looking at Mike, “who set him off again?!”
Travis looked between the newcomers and Jared, and quickly pointed at Jared.
“Hey!” Jared said. “I just said I had heard about what happened, and I was sorry.”
“What made you think he needed or wanted your sympathy, boy?” the guy said. “And who the hell are you, anyway?”
“He’s the new psycho killer,” Travis said.
“Tommy!” Mike wailed. “I miss him, Chris.”
“I know, man, I know.”
Jared was amazed at how soft Chris’ voice could be while his eyes were glaring daggers.
The other cannibalistic hillbilly, Steve, obviously, cleared his throat and said, “maybe we should get him outta here.”
“Maybe the new guy should get outta here,” Chris said.
“No,” Mike said. With Chris and Steve’s help he slowly picked himself up off the floor. “Let’s go, guys. I’ll send Allie down to get her stuff later.” He turned to Jared and sniffed. “Sorry for the freak-out, new guy.”
Jared opened his mouth, but immediately closed it when Chris glared at him. When the three men left the studio, Jared turned to Travis. “What the hell was that?!”
“He scares me,” Travis said.
“Me too!” A.J. yelled from somewhere in the depths of the studio.
“You guys suck.” Jared grabbed his prop knife and was all ready to storm out. Until he realized that Chris might still be lurking and he decided that easing out would be the way to go.
As Jared walked back towards the lounge, thankfully unaccosted by any cannibalistic hillbillies, he once again cursed Chad and various parts of his anatomy.
The lounge was fuller now, and most of the assorted demons, vampires, and ghouls were sending pitying glances towards Mike who was standing in the far corner flanked by Chris, Steve, and some other guy in normal street clothes.
Chris saw him first, and Jared finally understood what the term ‘stink-eye’ meant. Mike shook his head, Steve put a quelling hand on Chris’ shoulder, and the other guy turned around and--
From the tips of his spiky hair, past the full lips, and lean body to the soles of his worn-in boots, he was easily the hottest guy Jared had ever seen. He wondered what kind of a creature Jim was going to turn him into, and what an incredible shame it was going to be to hide that perfect face behind a wall of disgusting makeup. Oh, who was he kidding, Jared knew the guy would probably still be pretty even with festering sores and a gaping hole in his face.
He had to get rid of those thoughts quickly though, because, regardless of the guy’s hotness, he was friends with crazy Chris, and weepy Mike, and hated his guts on principal, and... he was walking over.
Jared decided that maybe he could head off any further conflicts by being the bigger man, so before the hottie had even had a chance to open his mouth, Jared was apologizing.
“Look,” he said, “I’m sorry I made your friend cry. I didn’t mean to, and it was--”
“Stop, please,” the hottie said. “Mike cries at the drop of a hat these days. I know the first time you see one of his mini breakdowns it can throw you for a loop, but, seriously, don’t beat yourself up over it.”
Jared blinked in surprise at just how nice the guy was. “Oh. I thought...”
“What? That I was gonna beat your ass, or something?”
Jared smiled ruefully. “I don’t think Chris would be too opposed to that plan.”
“Yeah, well, Chris can be a dumbass sometimes. A good friend. But a dumbass, nonetheless.”
The man was hot, nice, and he used multiple syllable words. Jared was on the verge of falling, and falling hard. “I’m Jared,” he said.
“Jensen.”
“No way.” Jared couldn’t believe it. “You’re my...”
“Partner,” Jensen said. “Yeah. You obviously got the lowdown from someone.”
“Yeah,” Jared said, “A.J. and Travis explained it.
“Great. So, I’ve got a spare bedroom that doesn’t have anything in it. When do you want to start practicing?"
Jared liked the way Jensen said the word ‘bedroom’. No, he could perv later, he really needed to focus now. "Practicing what?" he asked.
"Our scare."
"We have to practice? I thought I’d just grab you,” Jared’s mind stuttered for a moment at the thought of getting his hands on Jensen, “do the thing with the knife, scare the beejeezus out of some people, and then do the whole thing over and over again until November."
Jensen smiled, but Jared could tell that it was forced. "I’m afraid It's not that simple."
Of course it wasn’t.
"Tom and I spent weeks going over our routine,” Jensen said. “By the end I knew how he was going to move, and he knew how I was going to move. We could anticipate each other. Look, I know the knife you're gonna use would have trouble cutting hot butter, but that blade, however dull it might be, is still going to be coming up against my throat. I don't need you accidentally crushing my windpipe because you come at my neck with too much force. And it's not going to be a simple grab and slash. I might decide to mix things up a bit and fight back, but before I do that we both need to know your strength so you don't end up throwing me through a wall."
"This is kind of insanely complicated,” Jared said.
Jensen frowned. "You want to back out?"
"No. I said I'd do it, and I don’t go back on my word. ‘Sides, I’m pretty sure if Kripke lost another psycho killer this close to opening night he’d go psycho himself, and I’d like to keep all my bits and pieces attached, you know?”
“Loosing bits and pieces would not be good,” Jensen agreed, and this time his smile seemed warm and genuine. Jared liked this smile. He really liked this smile.
Maybe Chad could live after all.
_____________
Jensen lived in another refurbished warehouse only a few blocks from The Devil’s Trap only his building contained nice, airy apartments instead of the living dead.
When Jared commented on that, Jensen merely said, “you’ve never seen me first thing in the morning.”
Jared managed to not swallow his tongue at such a though. He considered that a major accomplishment.
Jensen’s spare room was indeed empty. It had previously contained Steve who had moved out just a few weeks prior.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Jensen said, rubbing at a scuff mark on the baseboard. “I don’t really need a roomate, but it was nice to have someone to come home to.”
Jared, who could have lived quite happily without ever coming home to Chad and his various bodily functions again, simply nodded.
“There’s nobody else you could move in?” he asked. “I mean, a girlfriend, or...”
Jensen smiled and shook his head. “My last girlfriend was during my Junior year in high school and she staged an intervention along with my parents to get me to accept my inherent gayness and come out of the closet.”
“So, you’re a--"
"Complete homo.” There was that tight smile again.
Jared remembered Danneel’s statement earlier, and he realized that, yes, working with an openly gay Jensen was going to be very interesting.
Jensen’s smile slipped from tight to downright uncomfortable looking. “It’s cool if you’re not okay with it,” he said quickly. “I guess I should have told you before we came back here, and--”
“I’m completely okay with it!”
“You are?”
“I’d be kind of a hypocrite if I wasn’t.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
There was a moment when they simply stood there, staring at each other. Then, Jensen clapped his hands together, and said, “let’s get started.”
_____________
Practicing with Jensen ended up being a study in just how much restraint Jared possessed. He was actually quite proud of himself, that no matter how many times he had grabbed Jensen and pulled that long, lithe form tight against him, he still hadn’t outright jumped the other man. He was doing so well.
Or so he thought.
"Dude,” Jensen said, “you've got to stop hesitating."
"What?"
"When you grab me there's like a good thirty seconds before you use the knife,” Jensen said, “that kind of delay's not gonna fly in the house. The best scares are when something happens so quick the customer's brain barely recognizes it. We can’t let them have time to rationalize anything."
"Right, right." Jared ran a hand through his hair and turned away from Jensen. He hadn't even realized he'd been pausing, too focused on what he was feeling.
A warm hand closed over Jared’s shoulder and pulled his body back around. Jensen was looking up at him, his eyes wide and warm. "It's okay," Jensen said, "Tom had problems with some of the violent aspects of the show too."
"He did, huh?" Jared smiled ruefully. "And how did Tom managed to become okay with pretending to slit one of his best friend's throats?"
"Well, every night before opening I used to smack him upside the head and insult his momma."
Jared laughed. "That worked?"
"Dude, by the end of the night I had so many bruises." Jensen grinned. "But then, so did he. War wounds. You might want to stock up on Icy/Hot."
"Duly noted," Jared said. "And I promise I'll try and be gentle."
"Fuck you," Jensen said. He gave Jared a playful shove that didn't move the younger man an inch. "Jeeze." Jensen reached out again and palmed Jared's upper chest, his hand hot as a brand through Jared's tee. "You're like completely solid, aren't you?"
Jared hoped that his natural tan did at least something to hide the blush that he was sure was spreading across his cheeks. "Um, yeah. I, uh... workout." Jared wanted to smack himself.
"I bet," Jensen said wryly. He then snatched his hand away and got the most adorably sheepish look on his face. "Sorry. Didn't mean to, like, feel you up."
Jared shrugged, hoping that things weren't going to become awkward again. "I am pretty irresistible. But wasn't Tom my size?"
"Just about, but he wasn't..." Jensen frowned. "It's just, you're kind of... It's different," he finally said. "Yeah. Different."
Jared told himself not to over-analyze things, but he couldn't help a little thrill of hope at the inflection in Jensen's voice. Different didn't sound bad. In fact, different sounded kind of good.
"Okay," Jensen said, shaking himself out of whereever his thoughts had taken him. "Let's go again."
Jared nodded, then held up a hand as an idea came to him. "Hold up," he said, mulling the new thought over in his head. "What if when I come after you I don't just grab you but I lift you up."
"Lift me up?" Jensen sounded doubtful.
"Yeah, like this." Jared moved behind the smaller man. He wrapped his left arm around Jensen's waist and lifted. Jensen's body tensed as his feet left the floor.
"Jesus!" Jensen grabbed onto Jared's arm.
"This would totally work," Jared said. He raised his right arm and mimed slashing across Jensen's throat. "Not only is everybody going to see that I have a knife, but that I'm also a big enough dude to take another big dude completely off his feet." Not to mention that this stunt put them at the same height and if Jared leaned in he could take a quick, surreptitious nuzzle of Jensen's hair. It was a level of creepy Jared wasn't entirely comfortable with, but he could learn to deal with it.
"Uh, yeah," Jensen said, his voice sounding kind of thready, "want to put me down now?"
"Nah," Jared got a whiff of Jensen's shampoo and tightened his hold. "I can bench three fifty," he said, distracted, “I'm good."
Jensen wriggled a bit. "I'm really not."
Jared dropped Jensen like a hot coal. "Oh. God, sorry." He winced as the other man put some distance between them.
"No problem," Jensen said, "just... You're kind of a beast, aren't you?"
Jared ducked his head as heat spread across his cheeks. "My close friends may or may not call me Sasquatch." A muffled sound reached his ears and Jared raised his eyes. Jensen had one hand pressed tight over his mouth and mirth danced mercilessly in his eyes. "Go ahead," Jared said, "let it out before you pop a blood vessel or something."
Jensen shook his head and made a little wheezing snort. "Sorry," he said, "I just... yeah. Fits." That gorgeous grin was back on his face and Jared was glad that the moment of awkwardness seemed to have passed once again.
"So, if I promise not to hold you, and squish you, and call you George, what do you think about my idea?" Jared gestured between them.
Jensen cocked his head to the side. He narrowed his eyes and pursed his mouth, and Jared didn't think he had ever seen anything cuter.
"I think," Jensen said, "that your idea has merit. We'll run it past Kripke, and if he agrees we'll try it, see how it goes for a few shows." Jensen shrugged. "It might be that we do that at the beginning of the night and switch off to the original plan later in the night if your arm can't take it."
For a moment, Jared's vanity battled with his modesty. Vanity won. He raised his left arm and flexed his impressive bicep, taking note of the way Jensen eye's fixed on the jumping muscle. "Did you miss the part where I said I benchpress three fifty?"
Jensen cleared his throat. "We could be doing this a couple dozen times a night, Arh-nold. Unless super-duper he-men like yourself never get tired?"
Jared frowned. "Point."
"We'll get it figured out. The first show is generally for friends and family, and it'll let us get the kinks out."
"We don’t have to invite our families, right?”
"Your's not big on Halloween?" Jensen asked.
"They're not big on the gory side of Halloween. Well, my brother and sister are, but... let's just say if I actually scare them they'll probably take it as a personal affront and retaliation would be in my immediate future. And since my brother's even bigger than I am... I've gone a few years without experiencing one of his infamous power noogie/purple nurple combos, and I'd like to keep that record going."
Jensen did that funny snort thing again. "Bigger than you? That's pretty... wow." Jared felt a flutter in his stomach as Jensen let his eyes slide down his body and then back up again. "So, is your sister bigger than you too? Let me guess, her specialty's atomic wedgies, right?"
"Nah," Jared said, "Megan's specialty is running crying to mom."
“Which results in the worst form of torture--maternal guilt.”
“Exactly. And my mom’s a high school teacher. She can work the ‘I’m very disappointed in you’ face like nobody’s business.”
“I can sometimes still see that face in my nightmares,” Jensen said. "What about your parents? What do they like to do for Halloween?"
"They're a big fan of the classics."
"Poe and Hitchcock?"
"The Great Pumpkin and The Treehouse of Horror."
"Ah," Jensen smiled, "people after my own heart."
"Really?"
"Don't get me wrong, I love working at The Trap, but I do miss lazy Halloweens watching G-rated specials on t.v. and getting up every few minutes to ooh and aww over trick-or-treaters."
“So, basically what you’re saying is, you’re a complete sap.”
“Bite me.”
Jared grinned. “I’m a psycho killer, dude, not a vampire.”
Jensen shook his head, but that smile that Jared adored was back. “This is gonna be a really long month.”
_____________
Jensen was wrong, October was a really short month. At least Jared thought so.
After working through a few kinks in the beginning--it turned out Jared could only lift Jensen for a few hours before his left arm started feeling like a wet noodle--they gelled like a well-oiled, scaring machine. For the first time Jared looked forward to the end of his shift at the bookstore, just so he could get to The Trap and see Jensen again.
Jared was fairly certain his crush was reciprocated. More often than not, when Jared flirted, Jensen flirted right back. There had been no official dates, though they had consumed many, many cups of coffee over early breakfasts with the rest of the actors from The Trap. Every minute Jared spent with Jensen was awesome, but those pre-dawn mornings, sharing a booth with him and watching Aldis and Danneel grow closer, and Mike grow stronger, and Chris get even more and more surly, was the highlight of Jared's day.
But he wanted more, and he was going to make his move tonight.
It was Halloween, the biggest scare night of the year. The actors in The Trap had been getting progressively more and more manic as the month had worn on, and now, they were practically thrumming with anticipation.
About an hour before the attraction opened for the last time that year, Kripke gathered all the actors in the lounge. At first Jared was worried that he was going to try and make some weird, impassioned speech, but it turned out the little guy just wanted the chance to bitch at them one more time.
"New rule,” Kripke said, glaring down at them from his position on the coffee table, “no heavy scares outside the building." He waited as the various groans died down. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I suck. But you know what else sucks? Scaring people so bad they run away before they give us their precious money. Chris."
How Chris managed to look innocent, Jared would never know.
“Also, just a reminder, zombies eat people, they do not goose the newly damned. Aldis. And, the newly damned don’t stick their tongues down a zombie’s throat. Danneel.”
Jared grinned, and he and Jensen bumped shoulders, both happy for their friends.
“All right,” Kripke said, “piss if you’ve got to, and remember, don’t fuck up my haunted house.” He jumped off the table and stalked off in the direction of Jim’s studio.
Jensen shook his head. “That was inspiring,” he murmured.
“Can you imagine how scary it would have been if he had tried to be inspiring?” Jared asked.
“True,” Jensen said. “You ready?”
“Um, yeah, but can we...” Jared grabbed Jensen’s upper arm and led him away from the crowd and towards the far side of the lounge area.
“Everything okay, Jay?” Jensen asked.
“’Course. Just... end of the road tonight, huh?”
Jensen smirked. “You might not want to use that turn of phrase here.”
“Whatever.” Jared reached out and playfully try to flick at Jensen’s right ear. Jensen reached up, but instead of batting Jared’s hand away he captured it in his own. He held on for a moment, then squeezed Jared’s fingers briefly before letting go.
Jared’s mouth was suddenly dry. “So,” he croaked out, “in a few hours we’re no longer going to be working together.”
“That’s right.”
“Would you want to go out. On a date.”
Jensen cocked his head to the side and studied him for a moment. “I’d rather you come back to my place and fuck me.”
“Pardon?”
Jensen shrugged. “The way I figure, we’ve been dating for a month already. I know your favorite movie. I know your most embarrassing moment from high school. I know you’re a pretty amazing guy, and there’s no way in hell I’m gonna wait until next year to see you again. What do you say?”
Jared licked his lips. “I say...”
“Oh, for God’s sake, kiss him already!”
Jared and Jensen laughed as Danneel’s shouted out sentiment was loudly echoed by the rest of their friends.
Jared cupped Jensen’s cheek and tilted his face up, Jensen’s lips were already parted in anticipation. And then, there it was. His mouth was on Jensen’s and his world was perfect.
Until Kripke blew an airhorn beside their heads.
“Son of a bitch!”
“Motherfuck!”
“Was I interrupting something?” Kripke asked. “No? Good. Then get to your fucking posts!”
“There’s something really not right with him,” Jared said, staring as the evil, little man went off to abuse someone else.
Jensen wiggled his finger in his ear. “What?”
“There’s something... nevermind.” Jared smiled, and held up his palm, fingers spread.
Jensen grinned. “Yeah, Jay, five more hours.”
“Awesome.” Jared didn’t think he had ever felt so good, so happy. There was nothing that could possibly get him down at that moment... except Chris Kane sidling up next to them.
“Hey, Jensen,” Chris said, “I think Alona needs your help with something.”
Jensen raised his eyebrow. “Alona never needs help with anything, and I’m pretty sure if I imply otherwise I’m gonna end up getting my ass kicked.”
“Fine, then Katie needs your help. Or Brock, or Erica, or will you just go away for a few minutes so I can threaten your boyfriend.”
Jensen looked at Jared, then Chris. He shrugged. “Okay.”
“Hey!” Jared was not amused.
“It was gonna happen sooner or later, Jay. Just be glad that he wants to do it in front of a lot of witnesses,” Jensen said. “And Chris, don’t play too hard, you hear me?”
Chris rolled his eyes and said to Jared, "your boy wants to suck all the fun out of my life, I swear." He waited while Jensen walked to the other side of the lounge to where Aldis and Danneel were looking adorable and gross together. "All right, I think all I really need to do here is deliver the standard, ‘you hurt him, and I hurt you’ threat.”
Jared had tried to stay away from Chris over the past few weeks, but the fact that in a few short hours he was going to get laid made him bold. And snarky. “Does pretending to slash his throat count?”
Chris smirked. “You really want to be getting smartass around a man with a chainsaw?”
“You forget,” Jared said, “I’ve been around the haunted house game for a while now. I know your saws don’t have any blades.”
Chris’ smile was deadly as a rattler. “You’re right, these saws don’t.” With that parting shot, and unsettling tidbit of information, Chris walked off towards Steve who was shaking his head and mouthing ‘Sorry’ to Jared.
Jensen appeared at Jared’s left shoulder. “See,” he said, “that was relatively painless.”
“For now,” Jared said mournfully. “Hey, would you still want me if Chris sawed something off?”
“Depends.” Jensen eyes dropped down to Jared’s crotch.
“Good to know what your priority is in this relationship.”
“I promise I’ll protect you from the not so big, bad man. How’s that?”
“Better.”
“Geez, you’re so high maintenance. I might have to re-think this whole thing.”
“Please. You love me.” Jared froze. “I mean-”
“Not yet.” Jensen reached up and stroked a bit of hair off Jared’s forehead. “But I think I might be getting there.”
Jared felt his heart skip a beat, and he was pretty sure it was because of Jensen’s smile and not the sudden roar of Chris’ chainsaw.
_____________
The Devil’s Trap, eleven months later...
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
Jared leveled his best glare at his boyfriend. "I'm pretty sure I do. Really, really do." He furrowed his brow and tried to look fierce, but if the smirk on Jensen's face was any indication it wasn't working. Jared decided to switch to whining. "Jeeeenseeeen."
Jensen stepped up, and with gentle hands on either side of Jared's face, pulled him down into a kiss.
"All... your... fault..." Jared murmured in between presses of their lips.
"Is... not..."
Jared leaned back, a bit of his pissiness returning. "That so, Jen? You telling me Kripke just magically found out about my nickname?"
"I'd blame Chris. He's never liked you."
Jared huffed. "I knew it."
"Jay," Jensen said, rolling his eyes, "I was making a joke. Chris likes you fine. And who the hell knows how Kripke finds out stuff? How did he know Tom was back and wanted to reconcile before Mike did? The guy's creepy."
"Stupid Tom," Jared said. "I don't see why he gets his old gig back. I was way better at it." Plus he could wear his own comfortable clothes, and he didn't have to deal with sitting in the makeup chair, and he could keep his Jensen with him all night.
"I know you were, sweetheart."
"Oh, condescend to me, that's nice. Fucker." Jared was pretty sure he was close to pouting, but he really didn't care. His time in The Trap was going to be awful this year, and it was all because Kripke had heard someone call Jared 'Sasquatch'.
The little balding sadist had spent thousands of dollars building Jared’s new ‘habitat’, a temperate rain-forest right out of the Pacific Northwest. The seemingly peaceful scene was so unlike anything else in The Trap; it was meant to lull customers into a false sense of safety. And then, Jared would leap out and scare the crap out of them.
There was more than just a change in scenery, though. This year, Jared also had to wear a costume and makeup. He had gone through one makeup test, and he already hated the latex pieces that would build up his forehead and cheekbones.
Hoping that the more natural hair he could grow, the less fake hair would have to be attached, Jared had put away his razor. It had only been a week and he was already well on his way to looking like a crazed mountain man.
Still, having overly hirsute ancestors wasn't going to help with the other annoying aspects of his transformation. And the suit. Oh, how Jared hated the suit.
"Is a little honest sympathy too much to ask, Jen?" he asked. "This is gonna be horrible. The latex pieces make my face sweat, and the spirit glue makes me break out, and my suit smells like ass. And not good ass, like your ass, but awful, evil ass. Bigfoot ass."
"You like the smell of my ass, do you?"
"If I didn't do you think my face would be down there so often?"
"You're a charmer, Padalekci.” Jensen’s tone was sarcastic, but there was a light blush spreading over his cheeks. He put his arms around Jared’s neck and leaned in, pressing their bodies together. Jared wrapped his own arms around Jensen, letting his hands rest lightly over the aforementioned nice smelling ass.
“I'm sorry about the latex,” Jensen said, placing a soft kiss at the corner of Jared’s mouth, “but from what I've heard, it really does become like a second skin. Ask Danneel, by the second or third night you'll probably forget you're wearing it. I can't do anything about the breakouts, except to love you through all your zit-popping nastiness. And, as for your suit... how about I buy you a bottle of Febreeze. You big baby."
"Aw, Jen, you're so good to me. Except for the times when you're not."
"Look, Tom and Justin might have the easier scare, but I think--"
"Wait,” Jared said, ‘who's Justin?"
"Tom's victim."
Jared studied Jensen’s face, knowing what he hopes the older man’s inferring, but...
"Evidently,” Jensen said, “Kripke thought I'd be better suited for the new part of the attraction, you know, the forest." Jensen smirked, then wheezed a bit as his breath was momentarily squeezed out of him.
Jared loosened his hold. "You should be careful,” he said, his voice rough. “I hear there's some kind of huge, hairy beast that lives there."
"Mmmm, and I get to be grabbed by it, and dragged back to its lair every night."
Jared threw his head back and laughed. "Okay, so maybe this new gig doesn't completely suck."
Jensen grinned and darted forward to press a sucking kiss against Jared’s neck, right under where the line of Jared’s new beard stopped. "There's something else good to come out it too,” he said.
"What’s that?"
"I think I’ve discovered a previously unknown kink."
Jared’s eyes grew wide as saucers. “And, what, uh, kink would that be?”
Jensen's popped a few buttons on Jared's shirt, reached inside and tangled his fingers in the dark strands just starting to cover Jared's chest. "Just how hairy are you gonna get?"
Jared's mouth went dry and his dick twitched. "Seriously?" He felt a sharp tug close to his right nipple. "Oh, God."
Jensen’s smile was pure wickedness. “Wanna have a quickie in the dungeon?"
"The morgue's closer."
"Hmmm. I fucking love Halloween."
_____________
end
Summary: When Jared gets roped into working a Halloween attraction he figures it'll be a simple way to make some quick cash. What he doesn't count on are an insane boss, a weepy serial killer, and pissy cannibals. Oh, and the green-eyed guy he's supposed to murder every night. It's gonna be a long month.
Author:
saone77Pairing: J2
Word Count: 9,505
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing but silly, indulgent fiction.
Warnings: Talk of fake, but gory Halloween stuff.
Notes: This is what happens after you mainline three hours of America Haunts. Thanks to
wirrrn for the look-through!_____________
"Has anyone ever told you you'd make an awesome psycho killer?"
Jared looked up from his bowl of Frosted Flakes and warily took in the appearance of his overexcited roommate. From the way he was barely put together, Chad had obviously just rolled out of bed, but Jared was sure the manic look in his eyes had less to do with sudden wakefulness, and more to do with a horribly ill conceived scheme. One which Jared would definitely not be participating in.
"Chad,” Jared said, “you know that time that sorority chick dumped you and we both got drunk off our asses, and we promised to be BFFs, and I said I would totally help you hide a body? Yeah, I wasn't really serious."
Chad rolled his eyes and crossed over to the fridge. "Please, bitch,” his voice was muffled as he dug through its meager contents, “you would use those freakish tree trunks you call arms and dig me a grave if I needed one, and you know it."
"Only if I got to stuff you inside when I was done, bestie."
Chad emerged from the fridge with two cartons of Thai food. Since Jared couldn't remember the last time they had ordered Thai he decided he’d better add Lysol to their growing grocery list.
"I'm trying to present you with an opportunity,” Chad said, “and you're just gonna rag on me? That's what this relationship has devolved into?"
"First, don't call whatever we have a relationship.” Jared shuddered. “You using that word skeeves me out. Second, the last time you presented me with an 'opportunity' it took five fucking weeks for my eyebrows to grow back. So, I can unequivocally say I am not interested." Jared began to quickly shovel in the rest of his cereal. The sooner he could leave, the less of a chance there was that he might end up snapping and doing serious harm to his roommate. Jared was still very sensitive about his eyebrows.
Chad snickered around a mouthful of food. “Dude, you looked so stu-” Chad caught the death glare Jared was sending him. "Okay, still pissy about that. Dully noted.” He cleared his throat. “But come on, man, you're not gonna even ask about the whole 'psycho killer' thing?"
"Nope." Jared lifted his bowl to his mouth and slurped down the rest of his milk. He was almost free.
"Wow. You're not even a little bit curious?"
"I'm not loosing anymore hair, Chad. Fuck off."
"Fine, fine,” Chad said. “So I guess you're also not interested in making a couple hundred dollars for doing practically nothing?"
"Since I want to keep my perky ass out of prison, I'm gonna have to say you guessed correctly."
"Prison? Jared, do you really think I would put you into a situation where you'd end up in... well, okay, there was that one time Freshman year, but those charges were dropped, yo."
Jared added his bowl to the growing tower of dirty dishes in the sink. "I'm leaving,” he said, more than ready to escape Chad’s special brand of madness.
"I know someone who knows someone who's looking for a tall, beefy guy to play the part of a knife-wielding maniac in a haunted house,” Chad blurted out. “And I thought to myself, hey, Jared's tall, and beefy, and currently unemployed."
“Haunted house? What?” Jared scowled. "And I'm not unemployed."
"Right. Sorry. I forgot your part-time, under-the-counter job at the hippy-dippy store."
"It's a bookstore, douchebag."
"You come home every day stinking like Woodstock,” Chad said. “The original flavor."
Jared rolled his eyes. "The owner likes to burn incense."
"Hippy. Dippy."
"What else am I supposed to do with a degree in literature? You know, besides find a good, sturdy piece of cardboard and pick out a street corner,” Jared said. “Besides, Margie, in the children’s section, is ninety if she’s a day, and once she’s gone I’m so gonna be a full timer. We’re talking 401k and benefits. Not great benefits,” Jared conceded, “but, still, benefits.”
“In other words, you’re basically spending your days waiting for an old woman to die,” Chad said. Jared shifted uncomfortably and Chad nodded. “Yeah, you never get to say anything bad about me ever again.”
“Whatever.”
“Just don’t go 'helping' Margie along, okay?”
Jared decided a subject change was in order. “So,” he said, “this 'friend' of yours wouldn't happen to be female, would she?"
"You wound me, Jay,” Chad said. “Seriously. Through the heart."
"You don't have a heart."
"Yes I do!” Chad threw a balled up napkin at Jared’s head. He missed. “Fucker. And right now my heart belongs to this extremely hot chick named Sophia."
"I knew it,” Jared said. “She makes, what, the third girl you’ve macked on this week? You're a freakin' dog, man."
"Woof, dude, woof.” Chad grinned. “But I actually haven’t sealed the deal yet. I need to, though. I mean, seriously, her tits are like--"
"Stop. Please, stop." Jared still had trouble eating melons without thinking of one of Chad’s extremely in-depth descriptions of a previous conquest’s, well, melons. He really didn’t want any other food substances ruined for him via comparison to girlie parts.
“I’m sorry we can’t all be gay and fabulous, Jay,” Chad said. “But, you'll do it, right?"
“Be gay and fabulous?” Jared smiled. “Always.”
“Do the haunted house thing, dipshit.”
"The answer's still no, Chad,” Jared said.
"But I already promised that you would!"
"What? Why would you go and do a fool thing like that?"
"'Cause I know you'd have my back."
Jared sighed. "Chad-"
"And be susceptible to guilt."
"Chad!"
“Come on,” Chad said, putting a wheedling tone in his voice. “It’s five nights a week through the beginning of October, and then the entire week leading up to Halloween.”
Much to his consternation, Jared found himself actually considering the offer.
Chad must have realized that he had Jared fully baited, and he began to reel him in. “Just think about it, man,” he said, “you could get paid for scaring people. How cool a gig would that be?”
“That could be pretty cool, I suppose,” Jared said.
“Extremely cool.”
“I could still go into the bookstore for a couple hours in the afternoons,” Jared mused.
“Being away from there more would remove you from the temptation of offing someone’s grandma for dental coverage.” Chad ducked as Jared’s hand flew towards the back of his head.
“If I do decide to off Margie, I’m gonna test my technique out on you first,” Jared said.
“Promises, promises,” Chad said. “So, will you do it?”
Jared thought it over some more, delaying his decision mainly just to see Chad sweat a bit. Finally, he said, “yeah. I’ll do it.”
Chad let out a huge whoop. “Sophia’s panties, here I come!”
“Say anything like that again and I’ll change my mind,” Jared warned.
Chad mimed buttoning his lips. But even staying silent didn't effect the unholy glee present in his eyes.
“You’re a horrible, horrible person,” Jared said flatly. “And, I swear, if I end up regretting this, so will you.”
“Whatever, dude, I’m getting laid!"
Jared watched as Chad did this spastic dance out of the kitchen and down the hall to his bedroom. The absurd sight did little to quell the ball of apprehension that was quickly forming in Jared’s gut. What the hell was he thinking, agreeing to work in a haunted house? Ever since his last growth spurt at sixteen he had spent most of his life trying not to scare people. What if he couldn't pull this off?
At least Jared knew that the unease he was feeling in his stomach would be nothing compared to what Chad would be going through once that Thai food had its revenge.
Jared was whistling as he left the apartment, buoyed by the thought of his roommate’s horrible suffering--Jesus, maybe he did need to keep away from Margie.
_____________
The Kripkeeper's Devil’s Trap was located in a refurbished furniture warehouse on the south side of town. The outside of the three story brick building looked completely innocuous, if a bit shabby. The only nod to the building's disreputable contents was the huge banner advertising the upcoming haunted attraction, and the handful of zombies loitering by the front door.
Jared had cut the engine and was out of his truck before he could second guess himself into going home. As he approached The Devil's Trap one of the not-so-undead broke from the herd.
"We're closed right now, mortal," the guy said, lifting his arms and lurching towards Jared, "but come back the first weekend in October and we'll gladly suck your brains then. Rarrwww."
Jared blinked. "Um, yeah, I'm your new psycho killer. Jared Padalecki."
"Oh, dude!" The zombie dropped his act and grinned. His teeth and gums were stained a dark green. "Soph said she was getting a guy, but... Hey, man, I'm Aldis."
Jared took Aldis' offered hand. "Nice to meet you. I like your... rotting flesh.”
“S’cool, right?” Aldis gingerly touched at the raw wounds along his jawline.
“If you guys don’t open for another week why are you all...” Jared hoped that by making a few random hand gestures he could fully encompass all the weirdness that was before him.
“Oh, it’s test day,” Aldis said. He put a friendly arm around Jared’s shoulder and began to lead him towards the entrance of the building. “Everybody comes in and lets Jim, our makeup guy, and the special effects geeks have their way with us. They take pictures and make reference guides so when opening night comes everybody’s not running around trying to remember who gets the distending eyeball prosthetic.”
Eyeball prosthetic? This was sounding a lot more complicated than Jared had anticipated.
Aldis opened one of the heavy double doors and gestured to Jared. “Destiny awaits.”
The interior of The Devil’s Trap was definitely not what Jared expected. Bright, halogen lights hung from the ceiling illuminating every nook and cranny of an elaborate set. Wooden walls had been painted to look like the rough hewed walls of an old crypt. The effect was somewhat ruined by a stack of paint cans and several roles of plastic propped up against the gate, and the faint sounds of carpentry could be heard from somewhere in the cavernous building.
“Whoa,” Jared said. “This is impressive.”
“This is just the gateway, dude,” Aldis said. “Wait ‘til you see the inner sets after the lighting techs finish working their magic.”
“Makeup artists, effects guys, lighting techs...” Jared frowned feeling self-conscious and out of his depth.
Aldis cocked his head. “Let me guess, you were thinking you were gonna find yourself in some dinky church basement or rec room.”
“Pretty much,” Jared said. “That’s why I’ve never been to one of these before. I kinda thought, how scary could it be, you know?”
“I hear ya,” Aldis said, “and I was the same way ‘til a couple cousins dragged me into this place down in Louisiana. That house incorporated live animals; snakes and gators. Man, there was this one part where you walked over a swamp with a huge real gator just feet away from the walkway, then you turn a corner and an animatronic one came out and snapped at you. I’m not ashamed to say, I about pissed myself.”
Jared raised his eyebrows. “Dude, I’m pretty sure I would have pissed myself.”
Aldis laughed. “It was close, man. Trust me, these are not your grandma’s haunted houses. This industry pulls in billions of dollars ever year, and bigger scares equal bigger money.”
“Billions? No way.”
Aldis shrugged. “Halloween is second only to Christmas in the amount of revenue it produces. It is a serious, serious business. But it’s also the most fun you’re ever gonna have at a job.” He tugged at Jared’s sleeve. “Come on, time to meet the boss.”
Jared took one more look at the gate, then followed Aldis past the ticket window and through a door to a hallway. After having his eyes seared by the halogens the darkness of the hall was a welcome relief.
“This hall wraps around the building. It gets kind of narrow in some places, but it gives the actors an easy way to circumnavigate the haunt. It’s also handy if one of the customers gets a little over-excited. You see anyone having heart problems, or hyperventilating, you get them to the hallway and they can be out of the building in a few minutes, as opposed to wandering back through the haunt to get to an exit.”
“Heart palpitations! Seriously?”
“It hasn’t happened here, but we hear stories every year from other houses. There’s a defibrillator in the control room, and our cannibalistic hillbillies, are trained medics. It’s all mainly just a precautionary thing. Don’t think on it too much.” Aldis patted Jared’s arm. “Anyway, there’s a staircase past the corner. The upper floors are part of the attraction, the basement is where our costuming and effects magic happens. You’ll be heading down there after you meet with Kripke.”
Jared’s head was reeling a bit from having all his preconceived notions blown completely out of the water. Chad was going to owe him big time. “I have to admit,” he said, “I’m a little overwhelmed by all this.”
“I hear ya.” Aldis smiled and showed off his green-tinged teeth again. “It can be overwhelming at first, but, dude, you’re gonna be fine. And if you need any help, we’re kind of like a giant family, you know? A giant, dysfunctional, disturbed family.”
Aldis stopped walking, and Jared saw a plain wooden door set into the wall. “All right,” Aldis said, “this is Kripke’s office. Go in, introduce yourself, let him give you the standard speeches, and then you can decide if you want to do a runner.”
“I wasn’t--”
“Jared, you’ve been uncomfortable since you got out of your truck, and you’ve been nervous since I mentioned the fake eyeball. This life ain’t for everybody.”
“I’m tougher than I look.”
“Cool. Then knock on the door already.” Aldis started backing away. “Oh, and don’t worry too much about Kripke, he freaks everybody out.” With that less than reassuring statement and a jaunty wave Aldis left Jared to face the twisted mind behind the whole operation--his new boss.
Jared steeled himself and knocked on the door.
“Enter. If you dare!” Was the muffled reply.
Jared briefly cursed Chad, Chad’s sex drive, and Chad’s ability to somehow be a total skeeve yet still get Jared to do things for him. He then opened the door.
The office he stepped into looked almost normal, except for the horror movie posters on the walls, the various fake body parts on the bookshelves, and the slightly disturbed looking man behind the desk.
“Wow. You’re big,” the disturbed looking man said.
“Thanks, Mr... Kripke?”
“Yeah, that’s me.” Kripke stood up, and he and Jared shook hands. “But drop the Mr. part, okay, kid? You have got to be Sophia’s find.”
“Jared. Jared Padalecki.”
“Right.” Kripke walked around his desk. His head tilted back more and more the closer he got to Jared. “Geez, I think you’re taller than Tom,” he said. “Broader too.”
“Tom?”
“Our previous masked psycho killer.” Kripke’s face darkened. “He had to... leave. Unexpectedly.”
“Oh.” Jared swallowed. “He wasn’t injured, or anything? I mean--”
“That isn't something I like to talk about, Jared,” Kripke said firmly.
Regardless of what he had said to Aldis about being tough, Jared itched to turn around and run out the door, but he wasn’t sure how far he’d get. He had almost a foot of height, and a good fifty or so pounds of muscle on the guy in front of him, but Jared knew that Kripke had the advantage of being not quite right in the head. Crazy could beat built any day of the week.
“Have a seat,” Kripke said, seemingly done in his perusal.
Jared obeyed, settling himself in one of the two uncomfortable chairs facing Kripke’s desk.
Kripke took his own seat and leaned forward, elbows on the desk, and steepled his fingers. “Why do you want to work in my Devil’s Trap?”
“My roomate’s making me.”
Kripke frowned and Jared gulped.
"Do you know why I started my haunted house, Jared?"
"No."
"Because I like scaring people,” Kripke said. “I love hearing people scream. I adore that 'oh shit' look they get on their faces. I get off on watching husbands hide behind their wives when a guy with a chainsaw rushes them. I piss my pants over people pissing their pants. Now, some would say I'm not quite right in the head.”
Jared very wisely kept his mouth shut.
“Yes,” Kripke went on, “I admit, I do have my moments of lunacy. Of course, we all go a little mad sometimes.” Kripke paused and looked at Jared expectantly.
“Oh.” Jared forced out a laugh. “We all... from Psycho. Very funny.”
Kripke smiled, obviously pleased. “Yes, thank you. But insanity can be sparked by creativity, and my creative insanity has give me a three hundred thousand dollar house, two cars, and a timeshare in Boca. Do you understand what I’m telling you, Jared?”
“This place makes you a lot of money?”
“Exactly.” Kripke beamed. “This is your contract. Memorize the rules and regulations, sign it and get it back to me before next Thursday. Head downstairs to get your mask and prop. And, Jared, don’t fuck up my haunted house. Now, get out.”
Jared grabbed the papers Kripke was holding out and high-tailed it out of there before the strange, little man changed his strange, little mind.
_____________
The basement of The Devil's Trap was bright with whitewashed walls and a sealed cement floor. There was a lounge area right off the staircase with mismatched couches and armchairs. Some of his fellow actors, both in costume and not, were already there. Jared received a few nods of greeting, and he returned them, wondering just how many actors The Devil’s Trap employed, and how hard it would be to place names to made, and unmade, faces.
“Jared, my man, you’re still alive!” Aldis appeared from out of nowhere. “What did you think of our fearless leader?”
“He’s nuttier than a jar full of cashews.”
“That he is, my friend. That he is.”
“I’m surprised the guy I’m replacing had the balls to quit right before Halloween.”
“Yeah.” For the first time since Jared had met him, Aldis’ face turned serious. “Well, shit happens, you know?”
No, Jared didn’t know. But he really wanted to find out. “Kripke was kind of vague, man. What really happened to him?”
Aldis scratched at one of the gaping wounds on his neck. “He, uh... he had an accident. Yeah. It was some freak thing. I mean you don't want to think that a role is cursed, but--" Aldis winced as a redhead with no face gave him a mighty wallop on the back of his head. "Woman!"
"Save your scare tactics for the paying customers, Al." She gave Jared a smile which looked really, really wrong since she had no lips. “I’m Danneel. I was dropped in a vat of acid. How are you?”
“Mildly freaked. I’m Jared, by the way.”
“Oh, I know who you are,” Danneel said, sidling up to him. “You’re the guy who’s going to make this next month bearable, aren’t you?”
Aldis snorted. “Number one, your face, what’s left of it, looks like raw hamburger. Number two, if I see your shame do you want me to return it to you?”
Danneel swiped at Aldis again, but he danced out of the way. “Undead bitch,” she said.
“Skinless skank,” he replied.
As Jared watched Danneel stick her tongue out, and Aldis extend his middle finger, he couldn’t help but loose most of the tension that had built up along his shoulders upon entering this madhouse. The teasing was so clearly sibling-like in nature, and belied such an easy comradery, that he couldn’t help but relax.
“Jesus, will you two stop flirting and just do it already,” called out a pretty blonde woman in a dirty babydoll dress with paper white skin and beetle black eyes.
“Beth!” Aldis looked completely scandalized. His wide eyes darted everywhere but Danneel. “I have to... I need to... Later.” He all but ran from the room.
Danneel scowled. “Gee, thanks for that,”
Beth shrugged. “Look, Aldis is a sweetheart, but he has the romantic instincts of a gnat. If you want him to hit that,” she gestured to Danneel’s ass, “then you have to hit him first. With a two by four.”
“Whatever,” Danneel sighed. She grabbed Jared’s arm. “Come on, new guy, let’s get you squared away.”
Jared gave black-eyed Beth a little wave as he was dragged into a hallway made by a bunch of partitions.
“I just want you to know I’m totally hot under all this,” Danneel said.
“I have no doubt,” Jared said, “but you should know that I’m totally gay.”
Danneel stopped in her tracks. “Really?”
“Yeah,” Jared said. “Is that gonna be a problem?”
“No! No problem.” Correctly interpreting Jared’s skeptical face, she continued, “really, we’ve got gays, straights, a couple transgenders, and... well, whatever the hell Misha is.”
Jared nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Danneel gave him another lipless smile. “So... you seeing anybody right now?”
Jared raised his eyebrows. “Not at the moment.”
“Huh. Should be interesting,” Danneel said under her breath.
“What’s inter--”
“Nothing! Come on.” Danneel started to quickly walk down the hallway.
“Where are we going?” Jared asked, his long legs making it easy to keep up with her. “And how big is this place, anyway?”
“If you want square footage, I can’t give it to you. But, I can tell you that most of the space down here is taken up by our special effects studio, and that’s where we’re headed.” They walked past a line of people waiting to step through a door in one of the partitions. “That’s makeup,” Danneel said. “Since you’re going to be in a mask you won’t have to worry about that so you can bypass Jim.”
“Lucky!” said a lizard-man hurrying past them.
“You’d better hope he didn’t hear that, Brock,” Danneel said.
“Oh, I heard it,” a grumpy sounding voice called out. “Idjits.”
“He’s a teddy bear,” Danneel whispered, “really.” She tugged on Jared’s arm and they moved on.
“Costuming is to your right,” Danneel said with a gesture. “That’s where Sophia is, but you probably won’t need to go in there either.”
They walked a few more feet, then Jared said, “uh, Danneel, can I ask you something?”
“Within reason, cutie.”
Jared smiled at the casual flirting. "I know Aldis was bullshitting me, but what really happened with Tom?"
Danneel scrunched up her face, the prosthetics smoothly moving with the expression. "Ugh, it was a mess. His boyfriend, Mike, plays the Mad Butcher, and they had some huge, knock down drag out fight and broke up. I’m not sure of the specifics, but I know Tom got custody of their favorite coffee shop, and Mike got custody of The Devil’s Trap. Mike’s still in a pretty bad place. Right now we’re all just hoping he doesn’t burst into tears while he and Allie are doing their disemboweling shtick.”
“The guy left over a breakup?” Jared winced. “No wonder Kripke’s still pissed.”
“He’s calmed down,” Danneel said. “You should have seen him when he first got the news. He turned so red I thought we were going to have to get Chris and Steve and set the poor guy up with some oxygen.”
“Chris and Steve. The cannibalistic hillbilly medics?”
Danneel smiled. “You met them?”
“Aldis mentioned them when he was telling me what to do if I accidentally scare someone into a heart attack.”
“Oh, that usually doesn’t hardly ever happen.” Danneel frowned. “For the most part. Anyway, if there was one person more pissed about the whole thing with Mike and Tom than Kripke, it was Jensen. He and Tom had put a lot of work into their routine." She stopped outside another door. “Here we are. A.J., Travis, I bring you fresh meat,” she called out.
Jared smiled at the two guys who came to the door to greet them, but his brain was still stuck on what Danneel had just said. There was a routine? There was a routine with another guy? Jared thought he was just going to be jumping out from behind something waving his arms and yelling. Then again, nothing else about this place was what he had thought it would be. He really needed to scrap all his assumptions.
“Okay,” Danneel said, catching Jared’s attention. “I’ll leave you in the capable hands of our two resident geeks.”
“That’s supergeeks,” the guy with the glasses said smugly.
“Wait,” Jared said before Danneel could walk away, “you said something about a routine? And, who's Jensen?"
“No one told you?” Danneel winked at him. "Jensen’s your victim."
_____________
A.J. and Travis were easily two of the coolest guys Jared had ever met. They both designed and implemented most of the special effects used in The Devil’s Trap, from the simplest blood capsule to the more complex animatronic demons. A.J. had been right when he’d corrected Danneel--he and Travis were supergeeks.
"Okay, your mask is going to be a standard white false face,” A.J. said.
Jared took the mask from Travis. He slipped it over his head, being careful the elastic of the strap didn’t catch in his hair.
“How’s your field of vision?” Travis asked.
Jared moved his head around. “Not bad.”
“Good,” Travis said. “You’ll need to black out around your eyes. Jim’s got some hypo-allergenic stuff that’ll work.”
Jared nodded. So, he’d have to meet the infamous Jim after all.
“Don’t worry about a costume,” A.J. said, “just dress in basic black--black jeans, black shirt, black hoodie... you have a black hoodie, right?"
"I can get one,” Jared said.
Travis nodded. "Awesome. The hoodie is a must. You'll want to keep the white of your mask hidden until you jump out with the scare.”
“As for that,” A.J. said with a wicked smirk, “you're gonna be carrying a big ass knife. Sounds simple, basic horror 101 stuff, right?" A.J. waited for Jared to nod. "Right. But this is where it gets cool. Your knife--filed down and dull as shit, so don’t worry about really slicing and dicing--has a little hose glued to the blade. The hose is attached to a bladder full of fake blood. When you draw the knife across Jensen's throat, you'll squeeze the bladder hard to get that nice arterial spray. We'll make sure you have a container of fake blood so you can refill between groups."
"That sounds... kind of cool, actually." Jared decided to ignore the whole slashing a stranger’s throat thing for the moment.
"It's cool as hell, man!” Travis said. “See, Jensen's gonna be wearing his regular street clothes. His tee shirt's gonna be black to hide the bloodstains, but he's gonna be dressed normally. No masks, no makeup. He's gonna blend."
Jared nodded as the plan came together in his head. "So when I jump out it'll look like I'm randomly attacking one of the customers."
"Exactly,” A.J. said. “Most customers know, no matter how scared they get, that the actors aren’t supposed to touch them. There’s that unspoken safety net. But when you pop up and grab Jensen--”
“Tom used to say the screams would echo in his ears for hours afterwards.”
Jared, A.J., and Travis turned towards the man standing just inside the door. He was bald, and wore a leather apron over a heavily bloodstained white shirt and pants.
“Hey, Mike,” Travis said. “How are you, man?”
“Oh, you know...” He gave them all a watery smile. “I just came to see if you had finished up with Allie’s new batch of intestines.”
“Yeah, give me a sec.” A.J. disappeared around a stack of precariously placed boxes.
“So, you’re here to replace Tom,” Mike said to Jared.
“Yeah. I just... I heard what happened, and... sorry.” To his great distress, Jared saw Mike’s eyes well up with tears.
“We were... Six years... Loved him... Oh, God...”
Jared and Travis watched in horror as Mike, the Mad Butcher, collapsed on the floor in a heap of snot, tears, and heartache.
The longest Jared had been with a guy was seven months. He couldn’t imagine the pain that would come with the ending of a relationship of six years. But just because he could sympathize didn’t mean he wanted a courtside seat to the guy’s meltdown.
“Should we... do something?” he whispered to Travis.
Travis shrugged. His wide eyes got even bigger as two guys dressed in stained and ripped flannel shirts and overalls came into the studio.
“For the love of God,” the dark haired one said, looking at Mike, “who set him off again?!”
Travis looked between the newcomers and Jared, and quickly pointed at Jared.
“Hey!” Jared said. “I just said I had heard about what happened, and I was sorry.”
“What made you think he needed or wanted your sympathy, boy?” the guy said. “And who the hell are you, anyway?”
“He’s the new psycho killer,” Travis said.
“Tommy!” Mike wailed. “I miss him, Chris.”
“I know, man, I know.”
Jared was amazed at how soft Chris’ voice could be while his eyes were glaring daggers.
The other cannibalistic hillbilly, Steve, obviously, cleared his throat and said, “maybe we should get him outta here.”
“Maybe the new guy should get outta here,” Chris said.
“No,” Mike said. With Chris and Steve’s help he slowly picked himself up off the floor. “Let’s go, guys. I’ll send Allie down to get her stuff later.” He turned to Jared and sniffed. “Sorry for the freak-out, new guy.”
Jared opened his mouth, but immediately closed it when Chris glared at him. When the three men left the studio, Jared turned to Travis. “What the hell was that?!”
“He scares me,” Travis said.
“Me too!” A.J. yelled from somewhere in the depths of the studio.
“You guys suck.” Jared grabbed his prop knife and was all ready to storm out. Until he realized that Chris might still be lurking and he decided that easing out would be the way to go.
As Jared walked back towards the lounge, thankfully unaccosted by any cannibalistic hillbillies, he once again cursed Chad and various parts of his anatomy.
The lounge was fuller now, and most of the assorted demons, vampires, and ghouls were sending pitying glances towards Mike who was standing in the far corner flanked by Chris, Steve, and some other guy in normal street clothes.
Chris saw him first, and Jared finally understood what the term ‘stink-eye’ meant. Mike shook his head, Steve put a quelling hand on Chris’ shoulder, and the other guy turned around and--
From the tips of his spiky hair, past the full lips, and lean body to the soles of his worn-in boots, he was easily the hottest guy Jared had ever seen. He wondered what kind of a creature Jim was going to turn him into, and what an incredible shame it was going to be to hide that perfect face behind a wall of disgusting makeup. Oh, who was he kidding, Jared knew the guy would probably still be pretty even with festering sores and a gaping hole in his face.
He had to get rid of those thoughts quickly though, because, regardless of the guy’s hotness, he was friends with crazy Chris, and weepy Mike, and hated his guts on principal, and... he was walking over.
Jared decided that maybe he could head off any further conflicts by being the bigger man, so before the hottie had even had a chance to open his mouth, Jared was apologizing.
“Look,” he said, “I’m sorry I made your friend cry. I didn’t mean to, and it was--”
“Stop, please,” the hottie said. “Mike cries at the drop of a hat these days. I know the first time you see one of his mini breakdowns it can throw you for a loop, but, seriously, don’t beat yourself up over it.”
Jared blinked in surprise at just how nice the guy was. “Oh. I thought...”
“What? That I was gonna beat your ass, or something?”
Jared smiled ruefully. “I don’t think Chris would be too opposed to that plan.”
“Yeah, well, Chris can be a dumbass sometimes. A good friend. But a dumbass, nonetheless.”
The man was hot, nice, and he used multiple syllable words. Jared was on the verge of falling, and falling hard. “I’m Jared,” he said.
“Jensen.”
“No way.” Jared couldn’t believe it. “You’re my...”
“Partner,” Jensen said. “Yeah. You obviously got the lowdown from someone.”
“Yeah,” Jared said, “A.J. and Travis explained it.
“Great. So, I’ve got a spare bedroom that doesn’t have anything in it. When do you want to start practicing?"
Jared liked the way Jensen said the word ‘bedroom’. No, he could perv later, he really needed to focus now. "Practicing what?" he asked.
"Our scare."
"We have to practice? I thought I’d just grab you,” Jared’s mind stuttered for a moment at the thought of getting his hands on Jensen, “do the thing with the knife, scare the beejeezus out of some people, and then do the whole thing over and over again until November."
Jensen smiled, but Jared could tell that it was forced. "I’m afraid It's not that simple."
Of course it wasn’t.
"Tom and I spent weeks going over our routine,” Jensen said. “By the end I knew how he was going to move, and he knew how I was going to move. We could anticipate each other. Look, I know the knife you're gonna use would have trouble cutting hot butter, but that blade, however dull it might be, is still going to be coming up against my throat. I don't need you accidentally crushing my windpipe because you come at my neck with too much force. And it's not going to be a simple grab and slash. I might decide to mix things up a bit and fight back, but before I do that we both need to know your strength so you don't end up throwing me through a wall."
"This is kind of insanely complicated,” Jared said.
Jensen frowned. "You want to back out?"
"No. I said I'd do it, and I don’t go back on my word. ‘Sides, I’m pretty sure if Kripke lost another psycho killer this close to opening night he’d go psycho himself, and I’d like to keep all my bits and pieces attached, you know?”
“Loosing bits and pieces would not be good,” Jensen agreed, and this time his smile seemed warm and genuine. Jared liked this smile. He really liked this smile.
Maybe Chad could live after all.
_____________
Jensen lived in another refurbished warehouse only a few blocks from The Devil’s Trap only his building contained nice, airy apartments instead of the living dead.
When Jared commented on that, Jensen merely said, “you’ve never seen me first thing in the morning.”
Jared managed to not swallow his tongue at such a though. He considered that a major accomplishment.
Jensen’s spare room was indeed empty. It had previously contained Steve who had moved out just a few weeks prior.
“Yeah, I don’t know,” Jensen said, rubbing at a scuff mark on the baseboard. “I don’t really need a roomate, but it was nice to have someone to come home to.”
Jared, who could have lived quite happily without ever coming home to Chad and his various bodily functions again, simply nodded.
“There’s nobody else you could move in?” he asked. “I mean, a girlfriend, or...”
Jensen smiled and shook his head. “My last girlfriend was during my Junior year in high school and she staged an intervention along with my parents to get me to accept my inherent gayness and come out of the closet.”
“So, you’re a--"
"Complete homo.” There was that tight smile again.
Jared remembered Danneel’s statement earlier, and he realized that, yes, working with an openly gay Jensen was going to be very interesting.
Jensen’s smile slipped from tight to downright uncomfortable looking. “It’s cool if you’re not okay with it,” he said quickly. “I guess I should have told you before we came back here, and--”
“I’m completely okay with it!”
“You are?”
“I’d be kind of a hypocrite if I wasn’t.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
There was a moment when they simply stood there, staring at each other. Then, Jensen clapped his hands together, and said, “let’s get started.”
_____________
Practicing with Jensen ended up being a study in just how much restraint Jared possessed. He was actually quite proud of himself, that no matter how many times he had grabbed Jensen and pulled that long, lithe form tight against him, he still hadn’t outright jumped the other man. He was doing so well.
Or so he thought.
"Dude,” Jensen said, “you've got to stop hesitating."
"What?"
"When you grab me there's like a good thirty seconds before you use the knife,” Jensen said, “that kind of delay's not gonna fly in the house. The best scares are when something happens so quick the customer's brain barely recognizes it. We can’t let them have time to rationalize anything."
"Right, right." Jared ran a hand through his hair and turned away from Jensen. He hadn't even realized he'd been pausing, too focused on what he was feeling.
A warm hand closed over Jared’s shoulder and pulled his body back around. Jensen was looking up at him, his eyes wide and warm. "It's okay," Jensen said, "Tom had problems with some of the violent aspects of the show too."
"He did, huh?" Jared smiled ruefully. "And how did Tom managed to become okay with pretending to slit one of his best friend's throats?"
"Well, every night before opening I used to smack him upside the head and insult his momma."
Jared laughed. "That worked?"
"Dude, by the end of the night I had so many bruises." Jensen grinned. "But then, so did he. War wounds. You might want to stock up on Icy/Hot."
"Duly noted," Jared said. "And I promise I'll try and be gentle."
"Fuck you," Jensen said. He gave Jared a playful shove that didn't move the younger man an inch. "Jeeze." Jensen reached out again and palmed Jared's upper chest, his hand hot as a brand through Jared's tee. "You're like completely solid, aren't you?"
Jared hoped that his natural tan did at least something to hide the blush that he was sure was spreading across his cheeks. "Um, yeah. I, uh... workout." Jared wanted to smack himself.
"I bet," Jensen said wryly. He then snatched his hand away and got the most adorably sheepish look on his face. "Sorry. Didn't mean to, like, feel you up."
Jared shrugged, hoping that things weren't going to become awkward again. "I am pretty irresistible. But wasn't Tom my size?"
"Just about, but he wasn't..." Jensen frowned. "It's just, you're kind of... It's different," he finally said. "Yeah. Different."
Jared told himself not to over-analyze things, but he couldn't help a little thrill of hope at the inflection in Jensen's voice. Different didn't sound bad. In fact, different sounded kind of good.
"Okay," Jensen said, shaking himself out of whereever his thoughts had taken him. "Let's go again."
Jared nodded, then held up a hand as an idea came to him. "Hold up," he said, mulling the new thought over in his head. "What if when I come after you I don't just grab you but I lift you up."
"Lift me up?" Jensen sounded doubtful.
"Yeah, like this." Jared moved behind the smaller man. He wrapped his left arm around Jensen's waist and lifted. Jensen's body tensed as his feet left the floor.
"Jesus!" Jensen grabbed onto Jared's arm.
"This would totally work," Jared said. He raised his right arm and mimed slashing across Jensen's throat. "Not only is everybody going to see that I have a knife, but that I'm also a big enough dude to take another big dude completely off his feet." Not to mention that this stunt put them at the same height and if Jared leaned in he could take a quick, surreptitious nuzzle of Jensen's hair. It was a level of creepy Jared wasn't entirely comfortable with, but he could learn to deal with it.
"Uh, yeah," Jensen said, his voice sounding kind of thready, "want to put me down now?"
"Nah," Jared got a whiff of Jensen's shampoo and tightened his hold. "I can bench three fifty," he said, distracted, “I'm good."
Jensen wriggled a bit. "I'm really not."
Jared dropped Jensen like a hot coal. "Oh. God, sorry." He winced as the other man put some distance between them.
"No problem," Jensen said, "just... You're kind of a beast, aren't you?"
Jared ducked his head as heat spread across his cheeks. "My close friends may or may not call me Sasquatch." A muffled sound reached his ears and Jared raised his eyes. Jensen had one hand pressed tight over his mouth and mirth danced mercilessly in his eyes. "Go ahead," Jared said, "let it out before you pop a blood vessel or something."
Jensen shook his head and made a little wheezing snort. "Sorry," he said, "I just... yeah. Fits." That gorgeous grin was back on his face and Jared was glad that the moment of awkwardness seemed to have passed once again.
"So, if I promise not to hold you, and squish you, and call you George, what do you think about my idea?" Jared gestured between them.
Jensen cocked his head to the side. He narrowed his eyes and pursed his mouth, and Jared didn't think he had ever seen anything cuter.
"I think," Jensen said, "that your idea has merit. We'll run it past Kripke, and if he agrees we'll try it, see how it goes for a few shows." Jensen shrugged. "It might be that we do that at the beginning of the night and switch off to the original plan later in the night if your arm can't take it."
For a moment, Jared's vanity battled with his modesty. Vanity won. He raised his left arm and flexed his impressive bicep, taking note of the way Jensen eye's fixed on the jumping muscle. "Did you miss the part where I said I benchpress three fifty?"
Jensen cleared his throat. "We could be doing this a couple dozen times a night, Arh-nold. Unless super-duper he-men like yourself never get tired?"
Jared frowned. "Point."
"We'll get it figured out. The first show is generally for friends and family, and it'll let us get the kinks out."
"We don’t have to invite our families, right?”
"Your's not big on Halloween?" Jensen asked.
"They're not big on the gory side of Halloween. Well, my brother and sister are, but... let's just say if I actually scare them they'll probably take it as a personal affront and retaliation would be in my immediate future. And since my brother's even bigger than I am... I've gone a few years without experiencing one of his infamous power noogie/purple nurple combos, and I'd like to keep that record going."
Jensen did that funny snort thing again. "Bigger than you? That's pretty... wow." Jared felt a flutter in his stomach as Jensen let his eyes slide down his body and then back up again. "So, is your sister bigger than you too? Let me guess, her specialty's atomic wedgies, right?"
"Nah," Jared said, "Megan's specialty is running crying to mom."
“Which results in the worst form of torture--maternal guilt.”
“Exactly. And my mom’s a high school teacher. She can work the ‘I’m very disappointed in you’ face like nobody’s business.”
“I can sometimes still see that face in my nightmares,” Jensen said. "What about your parents? What do they like to do for Halloween?"
"They're a big fan of the classics."
"Poe and Hitchcock?"
"The Great Pumpkin and The Treehouse of Horror."
"Ah," Jensen smiled, "people after my own heart."
"Really?"
"Don't get me wrong, I love working at The Trap, but I do miss lazy Halloweens watching G-rated specials on t.v. and getting up every few minutes to ooh and aww over trick-or-treaters."
“So, basically what you’re saying is, you’re a complete sap.”
“Bite me.”
Jared grinned. “I’m a psycho killer, dude, not a vampire.”
Jensen shook his head, but that smile that Jared adored was back. “This is gonna be a really long month.”
_____________
Jensen was wrong, October was a really short month. At least Jared thought so.
After working through a few kinks in the beginning--it turned out Jared could only lift Jensen for a few hours before his left arm started feeling like a wet noodle--they gelled like a well-oiled, scaring machine. For the first time Jared looked forward to the end of his shift at the bookstore, just so he could get to The Trap and see Jensen again.
Jared was fairly certain his crush was reciprocated. More often than not, when Jared flirted, Jensen flirted right back. There had been no official dates, though they had consumed many, many cups of coffee over early breakfasts with the rest of the actors from The Trap. Every minute Jared spent with Jensen was awesome, but those pre-dawn mornings, sharing a booth with him and watching Aldis and Danneel grow closer, and Mike grow stronger, and Chris get even more and more surly, was the highlight of Jared's day.
But he wanted more, and he was going to make his move tonight.
It was Halloween, the biggest scare night of the year. The actors in The Trap had been getting progressively more and more manic as the month had worn on, and now, they were practically thrumming with anticipation.
About an hour before the attraction opened for the last time that year, Kripke gathered all the actors in the lounge. At first Jared was worried that he was going to try and make some weird, impassioned speech, but it turned out the little guy just wanted the chance to bitch at them one more time.
"New rule,” Kripke said, glaring down at them from his position on the coffee table, “no heavy scares outside the building." He waited as the various groans died down. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I suck. But you know what else sucks? Scaring people so bad they run away before they give us their precious money. Chris."
How Chris managed to look innocent, Jared would never know.
“Also, just a reminder, zombies eat people, they do not goose the newly damned. Aldis. And, the newly damned don’t stick their tongues down a zombie’s throat. Danneel.”
Jared grinned, and he and Jensen bumped shoulders, both happy for their friends.
“All right,” Kripke said, “piss if you’ve got to, and remember, don’t fuck up my haunted house.” He jumped off the table and stalked off in the direction of Jim’s studio.
Jensen shook his head. “That was inspiring,” he murmured.
“Can you imagine how scary it would have been if he had tried to be inspiring?” Jared asked.
“True,” Jensen said. “You ready?”
“Um, yeah, but can we...” Jared grabbed Jensen’s upper arm and led him away from the crowd and towards the far side of the lounge area.
“Everything okay, Jay?” Jensen asked.
“’Course. Just... end of the road tonight, huh?”
Jensen smirked. “You might not want to use that turn of phrase here.”
“Whatever.” Jared reached out and playfully try to flick at Jensen’s right ear. Jensen reached up, but instead of batting Jared’s hand away he captured it in his own. He held on for a moment, then squeezed Jared’s fingers briefly before letting go.
Jared’s mouth was suddenly dry. “So,” he croaked out, “in a few hours we’re no longer going to be working together.”
“That’s right.”
“Would you want to go out. On a date.”
Jensen cocked his head to the side and studied him for a moment. “I’d rather you come back to my place and fuck me.”
“Pardon?”
Jensen shrugged. “The way I figure, we’ve been dating for a month already. I know your favorite movie. I know your most embarrassing moment from high school. I know you’re a pretty amazing guy, and there’s no way in hell I’m gonna wait until next year to see you again. What do you say?”
Jared licked his lips. “I say...”
“Oh, for God’s sake, kiss him already!”
Jared and Jensen laughed as Danneel’s shouted out sentiment was loudly echoed by the rest of their friends.
Jared cupped Jensen’s cheek and tilted his face up, Jensen’s lips were already parted in anticipation. And then, there it was. His mouth was on Jensen’s and his world was perfect.
Until Kripke blew an airhorn beside their heads.
“Son of a bitch!”
“Motherfuck!”
“Was I interrupting something?” Kripke asked. “No? Good. Then get to your fucking posts!”
“There’s something really not right with him,” Jared said, staring as the evil, little man went off to abuse someone else.
Jensen wiggled his finger in his ear. “What?”
“There’s something... nevermind.” Jared smiled, and held up his palm, fingers spread.
Jensen grinned. “Yeah, Jay, five more hours.”
“Awesome.” Jared didn’t think he had ever felt so good, so happy. There was nothing that could possibly get him down at that moment... except Chris Kane sidling up next to them.
“Hey, Jensen,” Chris said, “I think Alona needs your help with something.”
Jensen raised his eyebrow. “Alona never needs help with anything, and I’m pretty sure if I imply otherwise I’m gonna end up getting my ass kicked.”
“Fine, then Katie needs your help. Or Brock, or Erica, or will you just go away for a few minutes so I can threaten your boyfriend.”
Jensen looked at Jared, then Chris. He shrugged. “Okay.”
“Hey!” Jared was not amused.
“It was gonna happen sooner or later, Jay. Just be glad that he wants to do it in front of a lot of witnesses,” Jensen said. “And Chris, don’t play too hard, you hear me?”
Chris rolled his eyes and said to Jared, "your boy wants to suck all the fun out of my life, I swear." He waited while Jensen walked to the other side of the lounge to where Aldis and Danneel were looking adorable and gross together. "All right, I think all I really need to do here is deliver the standard, ‘you hurt him, and I hurt you’ threat.”
Jared had tried to stay away from Chris over the past few weeks, but the fact that in a few short hours he was going to get laid made him bold. And snarky. “Does pretending to slash his throat count?”
Chris smirked. “You really want to be getting smartass around a man with a chainsaw?”
“You forget,” Jared said, “I’ve been around the haunted house game for a while now. I know your saws don’t have any blades.”
Chris’ smile was deadly as a rattler. “You’re right, these saws don’t.” With that parting shot, and unsettling tidbit of information, Chris walked off towards Steve who was shaking his head and mouthing ‘Sorry’ to Jared.
Jensen appeared at Jared’s left shoulder. “See,” he said, “that was relatively painless.”
“For now,” Jared said mournfully. “Hey, would you still want me if Chris sawed something off?”
“Depends.” Jensen eyes dropped down to Jared’s crotch.
“Good to know what your priority is in this relationship.”
“I promise I’ll protect you from the not so big, bad man. How’s that?”
“Better.”
“Geez, you’re so high maintenance. I might have to re-think this whole thing.”
“Please. You love me.” Jared froze. “I mean-”
“Not yet.” Jensen reached up and stroked a bit of hair off Jared’s forehead. “But I think I might be getting there.”
Jared felt his heart skip a beat, and he was pretty sure it was because of Jensen’s smile and not the sudden roar of Chris’ chainsaw.
_____________
The Devil’s Trap, eleven months later...
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
Jared leveled his best glare at his boyfriend. "I'm pretty sure I do. Really, really do." He furrowed his brow and tried to look fierce, but if the smirk on Jensen's face was any indication it wasn't working. Jared decided to switch to whining. "Jeeeenseeeen."
Jensen stepped up, and with gentle hands on either side of Jared's face, pulled him down into a kiss.
"All... your... fault..." Jared murmured in between presses of their lips.
"Is... not..."
Jared leaned back, a bit of his pissiness returning. "That so, Jen? You telling me Kripke just magically found out about my nickname?"
"I'd blame Chris. He's never liked you."
Jared huffed. "I knew it."
"Jay," Jensen said, rolling his eyes, "I was making a joke. Chris likes you fine. And who the hell knows how Kripke finds out stuff? How did he know Tom was back and wanted to reconcile before Mike did? The guy's creepy."
"Stupid Tom," Jared said. "I don't see why he gets his old gig back. I was way better at it." Plus he could wear his own comfortable clothes, and he didn't have to deal with sitting in the makeup chair, and he could keep his Jensen with him all night.
"I know you were, sweetheart."
"Oh, condescend to me, that's nice. Fucker." Jared was pretty sure he was close to pouting, but he really didn't care. His time in The Trap was going to be awful this year, and it was all because Kripke had heard someone call Jared 'Sasquatch'.
The little balding sadist had spent thousands of dollars building Jared’s new ‘habitat’, a temperate rain-forest right out of the Pacific Northwest. The seemingly peaceful scene was so unlike anything else in The Trap; it was meant to lull customers into a false sense of safety. And then, Jared would leap out and scare the crap out of them.
There was more than just a change in scenery, though. This year, Jared also had to wear a costume and makeup. He had gone through one makeup test, and he already hated the latex pieces that would build up his forehead and cheekbones.
Hoping that the more natural hair he could grow, the less fake hair would have to be attached, Jared had put away his razor. It had only been a week and he was already well on his way to looking like a crazed mountain man.
Still, having overly hirsute ancestors wasn't going to help with the other annoying aspects of his transformation. And the suit. Oh, how Jared hated the suit.
"Is a little honest sympathy too much to ask, Jen?" he asked. "This is gonna be horrible. The latex pieces make my face sweat, and the spirit glue makes me break out, and my suit smells like ass. And not good ass, like your ass, but awful, evil ass. Bigfoot ass."
"You like the smell of my ass, do you?"
"If I didn't do you think my face would be down there so often?"
"You're a charmer, Padalekci.” Jensen’s tone was sarcastic, but there was a light blush spreading over his cheeks. He put his arms around Jared’s neck and leaned in, pressing their bodies together. Jared wrapped his own arms around Jensen, letting his hands rest lightly over the aforementioned nice smelling ass.
“I'm sorry about the latex,” Jensen said, placing a soft kiss at the corner of Jared’s mouth, “but from what I've heard, it really does become like a second skin. Ask Danneel, by the second or third night you'll probably forget you're wearing it. I can't do anything about the breakouts, except to love you through all your zit-popping nastiness. And, as for your suit... how about I buy you a bottle of Febreeze. You big baby."
"Aw, Jen, you're so good to me. Except for the times when you're not."
"Look, Tom and Justin might have the easier scare, but I think--"
"Wait,” Jared said, ‘who's Justin?"
"Tom's victim."
Jared studied Jensen’s face, knowing what he hopes the older man’s inferring, but...
"Evidently,” Jensen said, “Kripke thought I'd be better suited for the new part of the attraction, you know, the forest." Jensen smirked, then wheezed a bit as his breath was momentarily squeezed out of him.
Jared loosened his hold. "You should be careful,” he said, his voice rough. “I hear there's some kind of huge, hairy beast that lives there."
"Mmmm, and I get to be grabbed by it, and dragged back to its lair every night."
Jared threw his head back and laughed. "Okay, so maybe this new gig doesn't completely suck."
Jensen grinned and darted forward to press a sucking kiss against Jared’s neck, right under where the line of Jared’s new beard stopped. "There's something else good to come out it too,” he said.
"What’s that?"
"I think I’ve discovered a previously unknown kink."
Jared’s eyes grew wide as saucers. “And, what, uh, kink would that be?”
Jensen's popped a few buttons on Jared's shirt, reached inside and tangled his fingers in the dark strands just starting to cover Jared's chest. "Just how hairy are you gonna get?"
Jared's mouth went dry and his dick twitched. "Seriously?" He felt a sharp tug close to his right nipple. "Oh, God."
Jensen’s smile was pure wickedness. “Wanna have a quickie in the dungeon?"
"The morgue's closer."
"Hmmm. I fucking love Halloween."
_____________
end
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Date: 2010-10-18 07:46 am (UTC)Heh. Still love this. Very cute and fun and mad and Halloweeny *g*
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Date: 2010-10-19 12:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 10:24 am (UTC)I loved this. Hilarious and sweet!
=9
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Date: 2010-10-19 12:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 10:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-19 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 10:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-19 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-19 11:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 12:34 pm (UTC)Very well done!
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Date: 2010-10-19 11:13 pm (UTC)Thanks very much.
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Date: 2010-10-18 12:55 pm (UTC)Seriously, RIDICULOUS amounts of love for this. It is absolute perfection. (And fyi, I am so adding it to
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Date: 2010-10-20 11:33 pm (UTC)Hee! Thank you. :)
And thanks for the rec too.
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Date: 2010-10-18 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-20 11:34 pm (UTC)That seems to be the general consensus. ;D
Glad you liked it.
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Date: 2010-10-18 01:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-20 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 01:05 pm (UTC)Very sweet! I loved it. And size!kink FTW.
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Date: 2010-10-21 08:23 am (UTC)Yay! I love when my fics make people laugh. :)
And size!kink FTW.
\o/
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Date: 2010-10-18 01:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 08:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 01:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 08:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2010-10-18 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 08:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 08:27 am (UTC)And, thanks. :)
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Date: 2010-10-18 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 08:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 06:30 pm (UTC)This was cute and funny and just schmoopy enough to make me all happy!
I love Halloween :P
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Date: 2010-10-21 08:28 am (UTC)Halloween rules! ;)
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Date: 2010-10-18 06:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 08:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 09:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 07:45 pm (UTC)JENSEN FALL FOR JARED.. YAY.... AWEOSME..
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Date: 2010-10-21 09:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 07:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 09:28 am (UTC)Wouldn't we all... ;D
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Date: 2010-10-18 08:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 09:30 am (UTC)I'm kind of a complete sap for happy endings. :)
Thanks a lot, glad you liked it.
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Date: 2010-10-18 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 09:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-21 09:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-18 09:37 pm (UTC)So fun. Working a big haunted house like that would be awesome, especially if pretty boys were in it!! And cannibalistic hillbillies, of course. :)
Enjoyed it - good stuff!
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Date: 2010-10-21 09:31 am (UTC)Guts, gore, and gorgeous guys... awesome indeed. :)
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Date: 2010-10-18 11:19 pm (UTC)Damn!! You write about my favorite boys and then to sweeten the pot throw in my favorite line from my favorite cartoon !!!
Great Job ! Loved every minute of it.
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Date: 2010-10-21 09:33 am (UTC)Ha! I'm so glad somebody got that. :)