J2 AU Fic: Dork Reign: A Timely Conundrum (1/1) PG

[saone]

Title: Dork Reign: A Timely Conundrum
Summary: The tale of a comic geek, his snarky best friend, and his super hot boyfriend whose choices may or may not bring shame down upon The Multi-Verse.
Pairing: J2 AU
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1958
Disclaimer: This is silly, indulgent, cracktastic fiction.
Warnings: Not betad. Grammarians proceed with caution.
Notes: This is a little sequel to Dork Reign: A Tale of Geek Love wherein comic shop owner!Jensen crushes mightily on shy customer!Jared.





"Tell me I'm an idiot."

Aldis looks up from the latest issue of Birds of Prey and blinks slowly at his friend and boss. "Why do I have the sudden urge to do my best Admiral Ackbar impression?"

"I'm serious," Jensen says, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. "Tell me I'm an idiot. Or stupid, or paranoid, or something."

"Well, you are paranoid," Aldis says. He puts his comic down beside the cash register - probably sensing that this conversation will take his full attention - and rests his elbows on the counter. "But then so am I. I blame a steady diet of The X-Files during our developmental years. I think it was a conspiracy, though I'm pretty sure the Grays didn't actually have anything to do with it."

Jensen stares for a few moments, then he shakes his head. "No more UFO symposiums for you," he says.

"Hey, did I get pissy when you went to the Texas Bigfoot Conference? No, I did not."

Jensen snorts. "I can deal with paranoia. Paranoia is good because it's usually unfounded."

"Unless they are out to get you."

"You call that helping?"

"No. Maybe?" Aldis frowns. "What are we talking about?"

"Jared."

Aldis rolls his eyes, stands up straight, and cracks his neck. "Oh, joy."

Jensen scowls. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Aldis crosses his arms over his chest. "Just that you guys are disgustingly perfect together, and I'm still single and slightly bitter."

"We're not perfect."

"Oh, please. Jared loves you; you adore him. Both sets of friends get along. And, yeah, okay, maybe his mother is a little militant when it comes to literature, and maybe she does think you ruined her son intellectually, and that you're a minion of Satan for running a... what did she call this place?"

"A crack house for the simplistic and gullible." Jensen droops. "That was a fun Thanksgiving."

"But other than the woman who gave birth to him despising you for your career choice, you guys have an amazing relationship."

"I know that," Jensen sighs.

"Then what's the problem?"

Jensen scratches the back of his head, then cranes his neck to look around the store like it's not a Tuesday and the last customer they had wasn't three hours ago. "It's just... You know Misha's costume mandatory New Year's Eve party?"

"Oh, yeah!" Aldis brightens. "I am this close to convincing Beth to wear a white bodysuit so we can go as Cloak and Dagger."

"Sweet."

"I know, right?" Aldis says. "I assume you and Jared are doing the Winchester thing again?"

Jensen grimaces. "You'd assume wrong."

"Ah. Is that where all your drama is coming from? You're upset because your boy doesn't want to take part in your pseudo incestuous roleplaying anymore?"

"First of all, shut up. Second, it's not that I'm upset that we're not going as Sam and Dean-"

"Uh huh." Aldis raises both eyebrows and gives Jensen a look that's practically dripping with 'bitch, please'.

"Fine, I'm a little upset that we're not going as Sam and Dean. But Jared said that we had already cosplayed as them at the conventions we went to, and he wanted to try something different for the party."

"Ooh! You could wear your Deadpool costume, and we could find some white hair coloring, and duct tape Jared's arm, and he could go as Cable!"

Jensen's eyes glaze over. He hadn't worn his 'Pool costume in far too long. "That'd be awesome. But that's not-"

"Rictor and Shatterstar? I've still got that blonde wig for when I was Legolas for the Return of the King party."

"No, we-"

"Apolo and Midnighter?"

"It's not-"

"You guys are a little old," Aldis says, casting an appraising look over his friend, "but I guess you could pull off future versions of Wiccan and Hulkling, though I don't know if Jared would be down with the whole green body paint thing."

"Aldis! Quit it. I don't know what we're going as yet because Jared made me promise to let him pick our costumes this time, and he wants it to be a surprise."

"Wait. That's what you're upset about?" Aldis snorts. "You are such a little control freak."

"Am not." Jensen's left eye twitches. He tries to ignore it.

"Are too. Jeez, dude, give the guy some credit."

"I do give him credit! It's just... he's been a geek for less than a year, Aldis. What if he..." Jensen lowers his voice, "what if he picks something stupid?"

"Ah, I see. You're a control freak and a snob."

"I'm not a snob." Jensen sniffs. "But as the owner of the best comic shop in the city I do have a reputation to think of."

"Okay, now I get why you wanted me to call you an idiot."

"I am, right?" Jensen asks desperately. "I'm totally blowing this out of proportion?"

"Yes! Look, Jared may not have been born into this life, but those thirty six titles on his pull list aren't there for his health. Do you know we had a forty-five minute conversation the other day about all the ways the new version of Wonder Woman sucks?"

"It could still turn around," Jensen hedges.

"Whatever. Point is, Jared's geek flag is flying high and proud now. I mean, Jesus, the man made you a Dalek Christmas tree. If that's not a sign of true nerdtastic love, I don't know what is."

Jensen grins as he thinks about his tree. He was dubious at best when Jared had arrived at his apartment the day after Thanksgiving carrying an artificial tree, a toilet plunger, and a laundry basket. But in a couple hours all of that, combined with a few other odds and ends had been turned into the best Christmas gift Jensen had gotten since he was six and Santa had left him G.I. Joe headquarters complete with a limited edition Duke. Jared had even gotten one of his students - who was also a part-time Radio Shack employee - to set up a motion activated recording. Whenever anyone gets within three feet of the sensors a mechanized voice screeches, "Ex-tree-minate!" Danneel had almost pissed herself. It was awesome.

"Yeah," Jensen sighs. "I'm pretty lucky."

Aldis grimaces. "If you're gonna get all sappy and shit I'm taking my lunch break." As Aldis passes by he reaches out and squeezes Jensen's shoulder. "Trust your boy," he says simply.

Jensen nods. He can do that.

Hopefully.

___________


The weeks pass and Jensen tries his best to tamp down any trepidation he feels about Jared's costume choosing abilities. It gets easier the week leading up to Christmas as his mind is overtaken by preparations, and parties, and presents. He watches Jared's eyes light up as he unwraps the antique Jane Austin collection Chris' friend Gina managed to find. He wears his own expression of glee a few minutes later when he tears the paper away from a collection set of Doctor Who action figures - all eleven doctors plus Rose, Jack, Martha, Donna, and Amy - housed in a Tardis carrying case.

"I just thought I'd stay with the theme," Jared says, nodding towards the tree. And then he doesn't say much of anything for the next hour as Jensen ravishes him right there on top of the wrapping paper. It's a good morning, despite a sticky bow ending up in an unfortunate place.

Six days later and it's New Year's Eve. Jensen closes The Multi-Verse early and by three pm he's sacked out on his couch trying to loose himself in a Ten and Donna marathon on BBC America. It works. An hour passes, and he's engrossed enough to completely miss the sound of Jared entering the apartment.

"Ooh, I remember this one," Jared says, smiling. He's carrying a cardboard box and he has two large garment bags slung over his shoulder.

"Hey, so, uh..." Jensen attempts to reach for the bags, but Jared dances away from his grabby hands.

"Uh uh. You have to wait."

"Jared, the party starts in a few hours."

"I know, I know, but your outfit is gonna take practically no time to put on. I, on the other hand, need to do something with this." He tugs on some hair that's fallen over his forehead. He then reaches over and palms the back of Jensen's neck. "Trust me."

"I do," Jensen sighs, then says again with a little more conviction. "Really, I do."

"I know." Jared grins and plants a loud, smacking kiss on Jensen's cheek. He leaves one of the garment bags draped over the back of the couch and takes the other one with him into the bathroom. "Wish me luck," he says before slamming the door.

Jensen stares at the closed door, then at the abandoned bag. His whole body twitches. Jensen breathes deeply and takes up his former place on the couch a mere two feet from his still hidden costume. He sits on his hands and tries to focus all his attention on the television.

One episode ends and another begins and the sky outside his windows is getting progressively darker. He can't help but feel a little concerned as the minutes tick by and Jared stays holed up and silent. Just when Jensen's about ready to knock on the door as ask, as tactfully as possible, if he's fallen in, the door opens and Jared steps out with a grand flourish.

Jensen springs up from his seat, and he gapes as he takes in his boyfriend's appearance. Jared's hair has been sculpted into a gravity defying pompadour, and he's wearing dark gray pants with a cream colored shirt topped off by a brown tweed blazer. If that wasn't odd enough, Jensen's brain stutters to a complete stop at his accessories. "Why are you... Suspenders? A bowtie? I don't..."

Jared grins and straightens the material around his neck. "Bowties are cool."

"Oh, my God, you're Eleven."

Jared's grin just gets bigger and slightly manic as he gives Jensen two enthusiastic thumbs up.

"Holy shit!" Jensen lets out something perilously close to a giggle. "I mean... Holy shit!"

"S'good, right?" Jared twirls.

"It's awesome. You're awesome."

Jared flushes and gestures towards the other bag. "Your turn."

Apprehension replaced by excitement, Jensen raises an eyebrow. "This better not be a Constable outfit."

"What, you don't think you could pull off the skirt?" Jared playfully shoves at Jensen's arm. "Open it."

Jensen doesn't get the zipper down more than a few inches before his fingers are running over dark gray wool. "Jared..." He clears his throat and blinks away the sudden moisture in his eyes before he opens the bag the rest of the way completely exposing the greatcoat nestled inside.

"O' Captain, my Captain." Jared winks, and Jensen feels himself fall all over again. Then he and Jared almost fall for real when he gloms himself onto his boyfriend. Jared staggers under his weight, but his strong arms wrap around Jensen's back, and he somehow manages to keep them upright.

"I'm kind of ridiculously in love with you," Jensen says into Jared's shoulder.

Jared huffs a laugh. "The feeling's mutual." He lets go, and swats at Jensen's ass. "Go on, get dressed. We've got a party to go to and unlike my counterpart, I'm not fortunate enough to have an actual time machine."

"You are such a geek," Jensen says fondly.

"Your geek." Jared's face turns pensive for a moment. "Um..."

"What?"

"There's one more piece to my outfit, and I wasn't sure if it would be too much. I wanted to get your opinion."

"Okay."

Jared reaches into his box, pulls something out, and gingerly sets it on his head. "Well?"

Jensen grins, bright and happy. "Fezzes are cool."

___________

end

Comments

[saone77.livejournal.com]

Aw, I love Amy. Us gingers have to stick together. ;P

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Love Rory. Loathe Amy. Still hoping for a Krynoid to eat her next season, despite the horrible indigestion the poor thing will have as a result...