saone | J2 Killer Romance Fic: Still Better Than Chocolates (1/1) PG

Title: Still Better Than Chocolates
Series: Killer Romance aka The Adventures of crimeboss!Jared and ex-assassin!Jensen
Author:

saone77
Summary: AU. Jensen's heart is in the right place.
Characters: J2 and two Losers
Rating: PG
Warnings: Not betad, grammarians beware.
Word Count: 2475
Disclaimer: This is indulgent, cracktastic fiction.
Notes: This takes place exactly one year after the first Better Than Chocolates.

Jensen pauses, every muscle in his body taunt and ready. He wills his heart rate to slow, and his ears strain, trying to pick up any noise that might indicate someone had discovered his location. There are the distant sounds of an active household, but beyond that nothing to suggest he's in any immediate danger of being found. Satisfied that his position is secure - for the moment, at least - he relaxes and commences his operation.

With a diet soda in one hand and a bag of Milano cookies in the other, Jensen lets himself fall backwards onto the overstuffed couch in his and Jared's private living room. He grins and wriggles his butt, sinking deeper into the cloud-like cushion, and momentarily discards his cookies for the remote to the DVR.

Even though everyone in the organization now knows about his past, Jensen still doesn't like to get overly involved with Jared's business. It's not that he doesn't enjoy cracking skulls or watching the light slowly fade from an enemy's eyes, but he's discovered, since retiring, a particular affinity for leisure activities. What had started out as affectations for his new role of 'Well Kept, Trophy Boyfriend' were actually enjoyable. Jensen found himself liking the spa, and shopping in boutiques, and playing a few rounds down at the club. It was... fun. Clean fun. Fun that didn't require him to spend twenty minutes trying to get blood out from under his fingernails.

But over the past month or so Jared and his people had run into trouble. There was a new organization trying to muscle its way into town, and Dobrev and her crew were hoping to accomplish that by taking Jared and his crew out.

Needless to say, Jensen had been busy.

Now, though, for the first time in weeks, Jensen has found himself with a few free hours, and he's going to spend them enjoying the hell out of a couple of guilty pleasures.

He's got his cookies opened and the last two episodes of 30 Rock ready and waiting when Jensen feels the atmosphere in the room change. A half second later he hears two sets of footfalls. "Go away," he says loudly. "I don't care what's happened. I don't care who's dead, or who needs to be dead; I'm having me time."

Chris vaults over the back of the couch and lands, bouncing a little, on Jensen's right. Columbus takes the more staid approach and actually walks around the furniture before plopping himself down on Jensen's left.

Jensen holds himself very still. "If the two of you don't leave now I will do horrible and unspeakable things to your persons."

"Uh huh," Chris says. "Oooh, cookies!"

Jensen clutches the bag of Milanos to his chest and snarls. "Get your own, Evans."

Chris looks wounded. "You won't let me have one cookie?"

"No. What part of me time do you two not get?"

"The part where the scary assassin actually used the words me time."

Columbus reaches around the back of Jensen's head to soundly smack the back of Chris'. "Sorry about that," he says to Jensen. "We just wanna know one thing, and then we'll get out of your hair. Promise." He holds up two fingers in a scout salute.

Jensen sighs. "Fine. Speak."

"We're just curious what you have planned for Monday," Columbus says.

"There's money riding on it," Chris adds.

"Monday?" Jensen blinks. He hasn't really been planning anything in advance, preferring to act as more of a guided missile than to set up any long term intimidation campaign. Still, there's one answer that's a pretty safe bet. "Uh, I'm... killing someone?"

"Really?" Columbus looks skeptical. "A repeat?"

"I gotta agree," Chris says. "If you give Jared the same thing every year - even if it's a totally awesome, and amazing, and badass thing - it'll start to lose it's meaning, you know?"

"No, I don't." Jensen honestly doesn't. In fact he's pretty sure there's a whole level to this conversation that he's missing.

"You could always go the classic route," Columbus says. "Flowers and candy, nothing wrong with that."

Chris scoffs. "Except for being horrifically lame."

"No, they're classic."

"Lame."

"Classic!"

"Lah-hame!"

"What the hell are you two talking about?!"

Chris and Columbus share a look. Chris frowns. "Jensen, you do know what Monday is, right?"

"Yes! No. Monday?"

"It's Valentine's Day?" Columbus says slowly.

"What, again?! Didn't we just have one of those... about..." Jensen thinks back, "a year ago?" he finishes weakly.

"Yeah." Chris gives him a wan smile. "It's kind of an annual thing."

"Son of a bitch. Jared's gonna want something incredible, isn't he?"

"Well," Columbus shrugs, "the precedent has been set."

Jensen can't help but remember the look on Jared's face when he saw that package on his desk. Sure, he saw Jared's happy face often enough - it was kind of the big guy's default expression - but the look of absolute joy when Jared realized that Jensen had gotten him a present for something other than Christmas or his birthday was, well, something Jensen wouldn't mind seeing again. "Okay," Jensen says. "Monday. Present. I can do this."

"That's a trooper!" Chris claps Jensen on his shoulder and grins, then yelps as his hand is grabbed in a tight and rather painful manner. "The hell, man?"

"You're coming with me."

"What?! Why?"

"Later, man," Columbus snorts, then quickly makes his exit.

"Because you tried to steal my cookies," Jensen says. "And, also, I'm not that... you know, when it comes to relationships."

"Normal? OW!"

"Well-versed in the traditional lovey dovey aspects. Jackass." Jensen releases Chris' fingers. "Now, where should we start?"

Chris cradles his hand against his chest. "Trust me, I know just the place."
_____________

"I'm really very, very sorry I hurt your hand. Can we please leave now?"

Chris sneers. "What's the matter, Jensen? Not liking the mall on a Saturday?"

"I keep forgetting what a complete bastard you can be."

"It's the baby blues," Chris says, batting his lashes. "You can't help but be lulled."

"Uh huh." Jensen looks around. There's a disproportionate number of teenage girls in the crowd. He shudders. "Seriously, can we go?"

"Not until we exhaust all possibilities." Chris wraps his arm around Jensen's shoulder and walks him over to the directory board. "Okay, we have got the Apple Store?"

"He already has an i-everything."

"Brookstone?"

"Ugh."

"Gamestop?"

"That's romantic."

"Hollister?"

"You do know he's pushing thirty, right?"

"Jared: the Galleria of Jewelery?"

"I hate you."

"Build-a-Bear Workshop?"

"Did I mention hating you?"

Chris throws his hands into the air. "Well, you pick something! I am blessedly single; this is your show."

Jensen peers at the directory. "A repeat of last year is looking more and more likely." He looks hopefully at Chris. "I carve and you scoop?"

"Gross. And, no."

"Fine." Jensen squares his shoulders and stands a little straighter. He gets his game face on. "Let's do this."
_____________

"Well?"

"It's a... sweater."

"Yeah."

"You want to get your boyfriend a sweater for Valentine's Day?"

"It's a nice sweater!"

"Okay."

"It is!"

"I'm agreeing with you. Except not really."

"I mentioned the whole hating you thing, right?"

"Yep."
_____________

"Jensen, no."

"But-"

"I said no."

"It's practical!"

"It's a nose hair trimmer; put it down."
_____________

"Does he need a motorized tie rack?"

"Does anyone need a motorized tie rack?"
_____________

"It's an ergonomic pepper mill!"

"I was wrong. Maybe we should rethink the whole human heart thing."
_____________

"A jewelry store? Really?" Chris looks skeptical. "I was kidding about that earlier."

"I'll buy him a nice watch," Jensen says firmly. "You know how much he like watches."

Without waiting for an affirmative from Chris he marches into the brightly lit store. A multitude of cases containing various shiny baubles compete for his attention. They're saved from having to navigate things themselves by the arrival of a woman in a smart navy blue suit.

"May I help you, sirs?" she asks, a professional smile already pasted on her face.

"Yes," Jensen says, glancing at Chris, "I'm looking for a present for my boyfriend."

"Ah, I see." The woman leans close to Jensen and says in a conspiratorially manner, "he's very handsome."

"What?" Chris chuckles. "Oh, no, I'm not his... Well, I am on his exception list, which I'm totally cool with now, by the way, Oh, and there was that one time in Amsterdam, but there were major extenuating circumstances in that case, and we kind of had to do some things that were... see, there was this guy who was trying to..." Chris clears his throat. "But his actual boyfriend was totally cool with it. I think. Hasn't killed me yet." He looks back and forth between the slightly shell-shocked expression on the woman's face, and the murderous one on Jensen's. "TMI?"
_____________

"You know, you still could have gotten something from in there. We didn't have to leave just because the sales associate thought you were a bigamist."

"Shut. Up."
_____________

Three hours - and countless stores - later, they've left the mall. The sun has begun it's slow crawl towards the west, and while Jensen logically knows there are more stores to be found and more possible gifts to agonize over, his mind is telling him to give up while the getting's good. There's no way to win this. Jensen thinks he's just... missing that vital component that lets other people in relationships be so adept at gift-giving, and he knows if he keeps on this path he'll start doubting what it is Jared even sees in him. If he hasn't already.

But he still needs to give Jared something on Monday.

"So, we come to the end of the road," Chris says, staring out through the windshield, "the last bastion of the hopeless and the desperate." He turns to Jensen and raises an eyebrow. "Wal-mart, huh?"

"I... I don't know where else to go." Jensen rubs a hand over his eyes. "Flowers and candy are classics."

"No, they're still lame."

"What about a bunch of candy. Like, an aisle of candy? Is that lame? 'Cause I think Jared would think that was kind of awesome."

"Jen..." Chris unhooks his seatbelt and maneuvers himself until he's facing Jensen directly. "You're a smart guy, so I really don't have to say that Jared's gonna love whatever you give him because you're the one giving it to him, do I?"

Jensen can almost feel Chris' words sink into his skull. There's a truth there that's so plain and simple it nearly knocks him sideways. "You couldn't have mentioned that five hours ago?"

"You needed the journey, my friend. Plus, you were a total bitch to me with the hand thing this morning. It's called payback." Chris pats Jensen's knee. "Now, you think it over; I'm gonna go in and get my very own bag of cookies. Oooh, I wonder if they have Sausalitos."

Jensen's fingers spasm on the steering wheel. For a second, just one second, he thinks about driving off and making Chris find his own way home. He waits, though, because that's what a friend does.

"I should have gotten the sweater," he says after a few moments. "Jared would have liked that sweater." Jared will like that sweater, Jensen decides. He'll brave the mall again. For Jared. And he has a game plan now; it won't be that bad.

Feeling relaxed for the first time since he left Liz Lemon in the living room, Jensen lets his head rest against the back of the seat, and he lazily takes in his surroundings. There's a home improvement store at the other end of the shopping center, and a half dozen smaller shops placed in between. What catches his eye though, are a group of people milling around outside one of the stores near the middle of the promenade. Jensen narrows his eyes and tries to figure out what sort of gathering it is. The answer, when it comes, makes his heart skip a beat with the perfection of it all.

Jensen's a killer at this Valentine's Day thing.
_____________

Monday dawns clear, and gorgeous, and quiet.

Jensen visited Dobrev's two lieutenants the previous night and brokered a temporary treaty - or put the fear of holy hell into them, whichever - and now he's slowly toweling off after a nice, long, reinvigorating shower. A pungent scent hits his nose and he quickly ducks and sidesteps as Jared's sweaty arms make a grab for him.

"Aww," Jared says, "come on. I thought we could shower together. It's Valentine's Day." His lips puff out in a ridiculous pout.

"Nice try, Sasquatch, but daylight's burning. Besides, if you wanted to shower together you should have skipped your workout."

"Yeah, right." Jared pats his flat stomach. "Do you have any idea of how many calories I'm gonna put away today?" He peels off his tee shirt, then lets his hands linger at the low-slung waistband of his track pants. "Sure you don't want to-"

Jensen throws his used towel at Jared's head. "You stink, Padalecki." He bites his cheek to suppress the grin that wants to form at the sound of Jared's muffled grumbles. He slips out of the bathroom and, after waiting until the water starts, picks up his phone to shoot a text to Chris.

When Jared gets out of the shower there's a large baby pink box with a glittery red bow sitting in the middle of their bed.

Jared's face lights up. "Jensen, you..." he pauses, a look of distaste stealing over his features. "You put it on the bed? It's not gonna leak, right? I like that duvet."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "No, it's not gonna leak. Well, it shouldn't. You might want to open it sooner rather than later."

Jared huffs. "I appreciate the sentiment, Jensen, don't get me wrong, but-"

The box rocks a bit, then moves about half an inch across the bedspread.

Jared yelps and jumps backward. "Oh, sweet Jesus, it's still alive?!"

"Just open the damn box, Jared."

Jared inches towards the bed. The box moves again, and he freezes. He only starts moving again after Jensen clears his throat and gives him a rather pointed look. He reaches the box, gulps, sets his jaw, and lifts the lid.
_____________

Chris leans against the wall outside Jared and Jensen's bedroom, and he can't help but grin at the happy sounds that are carrying through wood and plaster. Normally he wouldn't even think about spying, but since he's the one who had taken care of the little mongrel since Saturday, he figures it's his due.

He'd rather not get caught, though, so when the laughs and excited chatter start to die down, he decides to take his leave. As he walks past he lets his fingers rest momentarily against the wood of their door. "Happy Valentine's, guys."
_____________

end

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From:

sadritsuka12.livejournal.com

OMG!!!! LOVE IT.. AWWWWE POOR JESNEN HE FORGOT VANLTINE... LOL YAY HE RMEMEBER LOVE IT

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J2 Killer Romance Fic: Still Better Than Chocolates (1/1) PG

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