J2AU Fic: In Search Of... Fresh Meat (1/1) PG-13

[saone]

Title: In Search Of... Fresh Meat
Author: saone77
Summary: AU. Jensen doesn't think finding a new cameraman should be harder than finding a cryptid, but Jared's never been one for going the traditional route.
Pairing: pre-J2 with a pining-ish Jensen and oblivious Jared
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Not betad, grammarians beware.
Word Count: 1372
Disclaimer: This is indulgent, cracktastic fiction.
Notes: I've always wanted some J2AU monster hunter fic, and five chapters into Josh Gate's Destination Truth: Memoirs of a Monster Hunter (based on one of my favorite television shows ever), I put down the book to write this. There will probably be more, at some point.










Jared stares at the man sitting on the other side of his cluttered and messy desk. "So, Jim-"

"Jake," Jensen says from his spot leaning against the office's door.

The kid in the hotseat looks over his shoulder and gives Jensen a smile. Jensen tries to smile back, but he's pretty sure he can't work up anything beyond a soft grimace. Any hope or optimism he might have had when they started this process died seven applicants ago.

"Your resume is impressive," Jared says.

"Thank you, sir." Jake nods and sits up a little straighter in his chair. Jensen can't help but imagine a noose around his neck.

Jared taps his fingertips against the heavy, watermarked paper in front of him. "Nice credentials. Very nice."

"I'm glad you think so, sir."

Jared leans forward, rests his elbows on his desk, folds his hands, and puts on his 'earnest' face. "I really only have one question," he says.

Jake takes a deep breath. Jensen steels himself.

"Would you be willing to drink your own urine?"

Jensen thumps his head against the doorjamb a couple of times.

"Um..." Jake's eyes are huge as he glances form Jared to Jensen and back to Jared again. "What?"

"It's hypothetical situation time," Jared says. "You're in the middle of the desert, the GPS is on the fritz, the Sat Phone's broken, and you took your last sip of water hours ago. You know there's some kind of civilization to the north, but in order to reach it, you have to hydrate yourself, and the only source of hydration you have is what's already in your own body. Would you do what you had to in order to survive, Jeff?"

"It's Jake," Jensen says. "And you don't have to answer that."

"Yes, he does," Jared says, clearly affronted.

"No, he doesn't." Jensen says. He looks at Jake. "You really, really don't." It's too late, though. Jensen can tell that they've already lost him.

"Could that really happen?" Jake asks.

"Yes," Jared says.

"No," Jensen says.

"Yes, it could," Jared insists. He stares at Jensen.

Jensen sighs. "Theoretically-"

"See," Jared says, "it could totally happen!"

"The chances of a scenario like that coming to pass are beyond slim," Jensen says. "They're miniscule. Practically non-existent. I assure you, Jake, that the safety of our crew is of the utmost priority to us."

"But shit happens," Jared says. Jensen's fingers twitch with the urge to wrap around his throat.

"We take every precaution," Jensen says.

Jared makes a soft huffing sound. "Have you ever watched our show, Jake?"

"Oh, now he gets the name right," Jensen mutters.

Jake looks a bit sheepish. "Not really, no."

"In the past two seasons we've gone from the Amazon to Antarctica, from Ethiopia to Everest. Sure, sometimes we might get to stay in a nice, comfy, cozy inn while we look for a banshee in Ireland, but most of the time we're off the grid, digging our own toilets, and hoping we don't wake up with a spider the size of a dinner plate humping our face. And when we're not avoiding stepping on poisonous snakes and pulling leeches off of ourselves, we're hunting for creatures straight out of mankind's primal nightmares."

Jensen rolls his eyes. "That's laying it on a little thick, don't you think?"

Jared glares at him before turning his attention back to Jake. "Point is, this ain't your normal kind of nature show. So, are you still interested in being our cameraman?"

The interview doesn't last much longer. Jake's spooked, and Jared's triumphant, and Jensen can feel a headache blooming behind his right eye. When Jake starts making noises about having another appointment, Jensen offers to walk him to the door. He doesn't try to beg or cajole, like he'd done with several other candidates. Instead, Jensen waves Jake off with another grimace and a half-hearted "Have a nice day."

Jensen closes the door to the outer suite and counts to ten in several different languages before he thinks he's ready to return to Jared's lair.

"You can't blame me for that one," Jared says. He's already gotten two beers out of the mini fridge hidden behind his desk. "He would have been all wrong for us, and you know it."

Jensen eases himself into the chair Jake had so recently vacated. "I can still blame you for all the others, right?" he asks. Jared offers him one of the bottles. Jensen waves him off.

Jared frowns, first at Jensen, then at the beer he had just offered him. He sets the bottle on his desk. "Look, I know you're pissed-"

"No, I'm not," Jensen says. "You'd think I would be, but, mainly, I'm... I'm tired, Jared."

Jared winces. "Jensen-"

"No, listen," Jensen says, "I get where you're coming from. Kind of. But Sam's not coming back. Even if she hadn't gotten the offer from that other show, the problems with her knees wouldn't have let her go out in the field with us anymore anyway. You know that."

Jared picks at a frayed thread on the cuff of his shirt. He avoids Jensen's eyes. "Yeah, I know that."

"And you also know that we need someone to take her place on the team. And that if we don't get someone to take her place soon then we're going to miss our filming window and all of the work we've done to prepare for the new season is going to go down the toilet."

"I'm aware of the time constraints we're under, Jensen."

Jensen sighs. It might be time to pull out the big gun. "Are you also aware that we're on the bubble? The numbers we pull in for the network are good, but they're not great. There's always been opposition to our show, Jay. Between our traveling expenses and our insurance rates, we cost our bosses a hell of a lot of money. If we don't deliver a new season on time..." Jensen trails off and lets Jared's mind fill in the rest. He silently waits while Jared ruminates on everything.

"We were more than a team of co-workers, Jensen," Jared finally says.

"I know."

"Some of the shit we went through, that bonds people."

"I know that too."

"Remember that time you thought you were reaching for a vine but nearly grabbed a handful of pit viper instead?"

Jensen snorts. "I still have nightmares about that."

"Yeah," Jared says, "me too." He stretches his arms high above his head until Jensen hears several pops. "All right, that first guy we interviewed, Matt something, get him."

"Wait, what?" Jensen shakes his head. "You scared him off, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," Jared says, "and I'm still disappointed that he caved so easily. But he was definitely interested, and not just in getting a new job, but in what we do. Just call him up and do your hard sell, or soft serve, or whatever the hell it is that producers do to get stuff done." Jared waves a hand in the air. "Go forth and bring me a new cameraman."

Jensen narrows his eyes, but drags his weary bones up and out of the chair without comment. He'll get Jared back for that later. He barely makes it to the door before Jared's calling him.

"Hey, Jen?"

"Yeah?" Jensen says, turning around and leaning against the door again.

"I am sorry," Jared says.

Jensen's seen enough of Jared's acting 'skills' to realize that he's really and truly looking contrite right now. Jensen's pretty sure this is the first time he's faced an apologetic Jared, and he's not too sure what to do. "Oh. Uh. That's... Okay?"

Jared smiles. "Sometimes I don't know why you put up with me."

Jensen knows exactly why he puts up with Jared, not that he'll ever share that knowledge with the gigantic idiot. "You kidding," he says, "do you have any idea how hard it would be to find a new host?"

Jared laughs and gives him the finger, then starts to leaf through some of the layers of papers on his desk. Jensen, still feeling discombobulated by that odd show of actual emotion, retreats to his own office to try and find Matt's phone number. They've got a television show to make.

Comments

[saone77.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D

IDK, I've got some other ideas brewing. Right now I'm maybe thinking about making a series of timestamps. I think I need a Destination Truth marathon to inspire me. ;D